Sunday, April 3, 2016
Spring Visions *Reference*
Maybe it's Spring, somethings in the air. Or maybe it's just time. I don't know. But it seems that a lot of strange things are occurring out there and the weather is only one. Perhaps our emotions are more tied with the seasonal changes than we are willing to admit, or remember. Perhaps this is how we always come alive, in Spring. After a long winter of hibernation from the elements with the food, we managed to hunt, preserve or grow. Perhaps this is just the residual strong instinct of move, be productive, or die next winter. But for me, it is an almost overpowering urge to make things happen, explore, create, and move forward.
Personally, I feel fine and in tune with not only nature but my place in the world. I'm not incredibly happy or sad. I feel very comfortably content with my life and yet even with that I can't help but feel that something is on the move. Something is on the edge of the horizon that I can't see, that I can barely make out. But it's coming.
I hope it's good. Whatever it is it's still too far away to make out anything except a gray landscape and a dark shape approaching. It's rectangular and low to the ground, like the beginnings of a step seen from the side. And when I try to focus on it, it shifts and vibrates, becoming more alter shaped. This is the curious part to me, and the part that it starts to feel bad. As if I'm trying to force it somehow, so I back off. The whole vision feels off and therefore why I'm curious and keep poking at it. Mentally. Whenever I've had this feeling before it has heralded a great change in my personal life. Sometimes a move, or change of my circle of friends, divorce. But it was always change. With that being said, I don't think this has as much to do with me as it will effect me. So I'm paying close attention to all my friends problems. Now more than before the vision. Because something is coming, and the more I try to focus on it the further away it wants to jump. When I try to focus on it, it feels like something bad, but when it jumps I feel completely neutral.
Either I'm getting better at accepting this gift and trusting it rather than worry about something I can't change, or it's not that bad. Maybe only appears bad at first. You know I've heard it said that if we're lost we sometimes have to lose everything we have in order to get everything we need. And while that sounds harsh, my personal experience can tell you it's very true. So even if this 'thing' whatever it is, turns out to be bad, what we have to remember is that it had to happen to give us what we want in our lives. I feel like this has already happened to me, back in, 1985, 1994, and 2013. So I am rather curious about this vision and I keep poking at it but can never see more. Who I should warn. Who's life is going to change, without warning, and suddenly.
I'm documenting this here in my blog this morning mostly for my own personal reference. But if my words ring true to any of you perhaps, you know more than I.
Cheers
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Be A Kid! My Day With Ginger Snap
Last week I talked about adulting and how it sucks. This weekend I decided to be a kid again. Ginger Snap turned nine earlier this week and his mom and dad, Second Daughter and Second Son graciously agreed that I could kidnap him on Saturday for one of our adventures about Chicago. I wish I had lived in a city with this much to offer when my children were young. Movies and books became our adventures. Which was in hindsight not bad at all.
But Ginger Snap and I had Chicago at our feet and for a few hours decided I that money would not be an issue. When I'm in this mood it's usually a great time to be near me because I plan events at places I've never been or can't afford to go to often. It started for us, as it usually does with a train ride to downtown from our neighborhood. Not being in the suburbs it doesn't take very long but Ginger Snap still loves the train rides. And to get to Navy Pier we needed a train and a bus. But that just means more chatting time with Ginger Snap. I thanked him for wanting to hang out with me and he looked at me like a thirty-year-old and said, "Grandma, for you I will ALWAYS want to come." If only that were true. But there will come a time very soon now where my loving little Ginger Snap will want to spend more time with his friends, girlfriends, and then partner than grandma. You know what they say, " A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life." I assume that's double for grandmas. But I'll take him at his word until adulting time comes for him too.
Now if you aren't from Chicago, look up Navy Pier on google so you can see how large it is. It's like two malls full of shops and food are at either end, with an amusement park stuck in the middle so our enormous Ferris Wheel is seen predominantly from sea or shore. It stands 196' (50' taller than the old one First Daughter and I rode) and can withstand winds of 115 mph. Modeled after the one in Hong Kong it has 42 gondolas. Unfortunately, they just finished the new wheel and will be testing it all next month before a May opening. I may have to make Di and Dave ride it when they come for Mother's Day. But never fear Ginger Snap and I went to Amazing Chicago Maze, and the Children's Museum instead. They were playing Superman v Batman at the IMAX but his dad is taking him to that so we passed. We attacked the children's museum, climbing all the rigging like a pirate and burying him in the dinosaur digging room. The other kids helped and then dug him up...the rare Ginger Snap fossil. Of course, we bulked up on popcorn and ice cream before attempting the maze. Neither of us had been before. And we both loved the mirror maze part. And actually got lost for a while with all the flashing laser lighting and twinkle lights. It was like a disco on crack. I can't remember the style of instrumental music that assaulted us during our time in the maze but I do remember that the more lost we became the more annoying it was. So I blocked it out in favor of trying to find the secret mirrored door. There were a lot of parents and kids lost. So when we found it, we yelled out and waved hoping our reflections would help others lost in this hideous dungeon. The rest of the maze was twisting halls and darkened dead ends. The motion sickness tunnel was awesome. Although if you didn't keep moving you felt as though you would fall off the narrow metal bridge into nothingness. Once we found the exit we went back and did some more. We didn't want to leave yet. And we even found time to build a couple of bears and the Build a Bear Workshop. Ginger Snap built an all black Darth Vader Bear, (that's my grandson!) and I built a Minion Bob Darth Vader. Who looks just like me since I have a brown and green eye too. The staff loved the idea and I couldn't understand why no one had thought of it before. One millennial was eyeing it fondly and when I called him on it, he said he did want it. LOL. Darth Bob was the star of the moment. The way home, six hours later, was a bus and two trains so Ginger Snap could go underground on a train. I showed him where I worked and we hopped the blue line to our familiar brown line and home. I was so excited to have been able to show him such a fun day, and I had so much fun being a kid with him. We both want to bring his whole family to the maze as soon as Sammy Bo Baggins is old enough.
Kind of makes today's grocery shopping and writing seem dull by comparison.
Cheers,
But Ginger Snap and I had Chicago at our feet and for a few hours decided I that money would not be an issue. When I'm in this mood it's usually a great time to be near me because I plan events at places I've never been or can't afford to go to often. It started for us, as it usually does with a train ride to downtown from our neighborhood. Not being in the suburbs it doesn't take very long but Ginger Snap still loves the train rides. And to get to Navy Pier we needed a train and a bus. But that just means more chatting time with Ginger Snap. I thanked him for wanting to hang out with me and he looked at me like a thirty-year-old and said, "Grandma, for you I will ALWAYS want to come." If only that were true. But there will come a time very soon now where my loving little Ginger Snap will want to spend more time with his friends, girlfriends, and then partner than grandma. You know what they say, " A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life." I assume that's double for grandmas. But I'll take him at his word until adulting time comes for him too.
Now if you aren't from Chicago, look up Navy Pier on google so you can see how large it is. It's like two malls full of shops and food are at either end, with an amusement park stuck in the middle so our enormous Ferris Wheel is seen predominantly from sea or shore. It stands 196' (50' taller than the old one First Daughter and I rode) and can withstand winds of 115 mph. Modeled after the one in Hong Kong it has 42 gondolas. Unfortunately, they just finished the new wheel and will be testing it all next month before a May opening. I may have to make Di and Dave ride it when they come for Mother's Day. But never fear Ginger Snap and I went to Amazing Chicago Maze, and the Children's Museum instead. They were playing Superman v Batman at the IMAX but his dad is taking him to that so we passed. We attacked the children's museum, climbing all the rigging like a pirate and burying him in the dinosaur digging room. The other kids helped and then dug him up...the rare Ginger Snap fossil. Of course, we bulked up on popcorn and ice cream before attempting the maze. Neither of us had been before. And we both loved the mirror maze part. And actually got lost for a while with all the flashing laser lighting and twinkle lights. It was like a disco on crack. I can't remember the style of instrumental music that assaulted us during our time in the maze but I do remember that the more lost we became the more annoying it was. So I blocked it out in favor of trying to find the secret mirrored door. There were a lot of parents and kids lost. So when we found it, we yelled out and waved hoping our reflections would help others lost in this hideous dungeon. The rest of the maze was twisting halls and darkened dead ends. The motion sickness tunnel was awesome. Although if you didn't keep moving you felt as though you would fall off the narrow metal bridge into nothingness. Once we found the exit we went back and did some more. We didn't want to leave yet. And we even found time to build a couple of bears and the Build a Bear Workshop. Ginger Snap built an all black Darth Vader Bear, (that's my grandson!) and I built a Minion Bob Darth Vader. Who looks just like me since I have a brown and green eye too. The staff loved the idea and I couldn't understand why no one had thought of it before. One millennial was eyeing it fondly and when I called him on it, he said he did want it. LOL. Darth Bob was the star of the moment. The way home, six hours later, was a bus and two trains so Ginger Snap could go underground on a train. I showed him where I worked and we hopped the blue line to our familiar brown line and home. I was so excited to have been able to show him such a fun day, and I had so much fun being a kid with him. We both want to bring his whole family to the maze as soon as Sammy Bo Baggins is old enough.
Kind of makes today's grocery shopping and writing seem dull by comparison.
Cheers,
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Adulting Sucks.
Happy Spring! It's the first day of spring and it's a beautiful day here in Chicago. The clouds are moving, hopefully away from us, and the blue sky should be inviting. But for me, it still feels like a chore to get out of bed and get to the store. I'm feeling better so I have to venture forth and get laundry done. But I don't want to do anything except sit here and either game and watch shows or write. I hate it when I have to force myself to do chores like I'm still a kid inside and only want to do what I want to do.
This cough really won't go away. Day eight. But I'm not sick enough to go to a doctor or miss work. I did rest all day yesterday. I even took a nap. Slept for five hours and felt a lot better when I woke up. Sometimes I think all I really need to kick this is a few days to rest. But I can usually only get one.
Adulting is hard. I hate it most days. But I'm really good at it. I find ways to pay bills and keep my head above water in an economy that is so scary that any minute I could be without all the things I've worked so hard to achieve. And, like you, I'd like my days off to be days where I might just be able to enjoy life. Instead of having them be full of things I have to do to prepare for more work and responsibilities, and adulting. I suppose I could try to do some adulting after work. But I'm so tired at night after work that I can't face doing more adulting after all day of adulting.
And then there are all the things I should do. Like diet and exercise. More adulting. I'd rather just play or quietly color. Reading a book and escaping into another world seems like the best use of my day. But that stupid adulting keeps telling me I have dishes to wash.
I think the hardest thing about my job is that when I'm done cleaning their house the last thing I want to do when I get home is clean my own. So mine waits until I can't stand it anymore, and then I clean it. Funny thing about that is that it's so small it takes me about an hour to clean it. So when I tell you that I hate adulting and I'm lazy, it's not a lie. I think I need someone to do my laundry and dishes and grocery shopping for me. LOL Then I can just write and play all day on my weekends. That would be the best. So maybe to appease the child in me I need to do more adulting on the scheduled adult days and allow myself to be a child on my days off. What a great idea. I wonder who will be stronger after work....my inner child or my inner adult?
More coffee for my inner adult while my inner child thinks about giving up the computer....
Cheers
This cough really won't go away. Day eight. But I'm not sick enough to go to a doctor or miss work. I did rest all day yesterday. I even took a nap. Slept for five hours and felt a lot better when I woke up. Sometimes I think all I really need to kick this is a few days to rest. But I can usually only get one.
Adulting is hard. I hate it most days. But I'm really good at it. I find ways to pay bills and keep my head above water in an economy that is so scary that any minute I could be without all the things I've worked so hard to achieve. And, like you, I'd like my days off to be days where I might just be able to enjoy life. Instead of having them be full of things I have to do to prepare for more work and responsibilities, and adulting. I suppose I could try to do some adulting after work. But I'm so tired at night after work that I can't face doing more adulting after all day of adulting.
And then there are all the things I should do. Like diet and exercise. More adulting. I'd rather just play or quietly color. Reading a book and escaping into another world seems like the best use of my day. But that stupid adulting keeps telling me I have dishes to wash.
I think the hardest thing about my job is that when I'm done cleaning their house the last thing I want to do when I get home is clean my own. So mine waits until I can't stand it anymore, and then I clean it. Funny thing about that is that it's so small it takes me about an hour to clean it. So when I tell you that I hate adulting and I'm lazy, it's not a lie. I think I need someone to do my laundry and dishes and grocery shopping for me. LOL Then I can just write and play all day on my weekends. That would be the best. So maybe to appease the child in me I need to do more adulting on the scheduled adult days and allow myself to be a child on my days off. What a great idea. I wonder who will be stronger after work....my inner child or my inner adult?
More coffee for my inner adult while my inner child thinks about giving up the computer....
Cheers
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Too Sick To Write
Writing has started! I'm on chapter three of the final draft of my fantasy novel! I'm so excited that last weekend I was able to write. My grand plans for continuing the momentum this weekend have been derailed as I have a sinus infection of some kind. It hit me Friday afternoon. Yesterday was the worst and I hope with a lot of rest today that tomorrow I'll be at work again, sniffing and coughing but at least in an upright position with no more fever. I always catch a really good spring cold, or bronchitis. And being a nanny I catch everything the little darlings bring home from school or the parents and I bring in from the dirty city. Everyone thinks I catch everything because I don't eat right or take care of myself but it's more than that. I have no adenoids. They were removed when I was two with an emergency tonsillectomy. And your adenoids are the first defenses for your immune system. At least, that's what my doctor told me. So I do try to eat well, and take care of myself, but it never surprises me when I come down with the same thing as the kids or parents EVERY TIME.
See I'm so sick I can't focus on anything but how I feel so I'm going to go back to bed and get better, and continue watching House of Cards, now that I've burned through all the Gotham episodes I can find.
Cheers
See I'm so sick I can't focus on anything but how I feel so I'm going to go back to bed and get better, and continue watching House of Cards, now that I've burned through all the Gotham episodes I can find.
Cheers
Sunday, March 6, 2016
I NEED to Write
So here I am with a perfect Sunday morning, and I'm alone. And I mean perfect. I was starting to wake up, when I received a text from Mr. Hopeful. What a wonderful way to wake up. We chatted while I got out of bed, and made coffee and put bacon in the oven. We're still chatting as I write and drink my perfect cup of coffee with the best peppered, applewood smoked, thick cut bacon I've had in a long time. I feel very honored he is spending this time with me. He knows my Sunday mornings are my time to write and spoil myself with whatever special treat I happen to have around. It's where I hope the blog writing will continue to novel or playwriting, not on line games, or Pinterest or other time wasters. But I'm a writer and so easily distracted.
But maybe today it will. I wrote yesterday for the first time in many months. And I finished what I hope to be the last draft of the first chapter of my fantasy novel. And when I say it like that it makes me want to edit. So, since I have to still get errands done and hit the 4pm movie of Lawrence of Arabia in 70 mm at the Music Box theater, I think I'm going to write. Thanks, Mr. H.
Cheers.
But maybe today it will. I wrote yesterday for the first time in many months. And I finished what I hope to be the last draft of the first chapter of my fantasy novel. And when I say it like that it makes me want to edit. So, since I have to still get errands done and hit the 4pm movie of Lawrence of Arabia in 70 mm at the Music Box theater, I think I'm going to write. Thanks, Mr. H.
Cheers.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
After the Election, Canada or Mexico?
Does it bother anyone else that this presidential election is so full of so many scary candidates? I've been an active voter for over thirty years now and I'm used to one candidate in each election that the press and the public really can latch onto and make fun of. So much so that they drop out before it gets even close to debates, or shortly after the first round. And we are left with two real front runners, one democrat and one republican. In some eventful years, an independent actually got some ground but only to drop out to give the democrat more votes. I'm not going to name names in this blog because I don't want a lot of 'mansplaining' or hateful comments because I might think your candidate is full of shit.
But have you noticed that in the last few elections how the scope of candidates has changed? And it's not just this election but somehow this elections seems worse. Maybe it's because the country is so visibaly split and the scary candidates have not only followers but a voice that is changing minds. Changing minds, means changing votes. And throwing up your hands and not voting because you like no one, is voting. If you do that, then your vote goes missing, and your missing vote might have been all the only good candidate needed to win. It seems now that if you have a voice and you are speaking for the people and trying to give them what they want you are the odd candidate. You are the one the press makes fun of and the evil politicians try to discredit with scary terms or out right lies.
Our country is run by big business and we have voted that in, by voting for candidates who are funded by those big businesses. It's not always our faults, before the internet we had no way of knowing which candidates were in the pockets of Big Oil, or Big Drugs, Big War, or Big Money (cue RUSH). We look the other way and cross our fingers and pull the lever, or draw a line, and cast our vote. But we don't really know what we voted in until we see the results of a term of four years. I've watched a lot of what I can only hope were good men, with good ideas, get elected and then have everything they ran on blocked by a bought out senate and house. Who block every good idea and never let that good man get anything done. Well, unless it has to do with Big Oil, Big Drugs, Big Money or Big War. That changes a man. It destroys his positive outlook that he can make a change. And he spends the rest of his term in a battle of wits and words. Bogged down by so much red tape that nothing can be done.
Look, I'm sure we can agree on one thing this election. Everyone wants a change. Well everyone except the 1%. They want to keep everything like it is if not worse. They want a new Dark Ages where we are slaves and pacified. Why do you think a drug like marijuana is finally becoming legal in so many states? To keep the slaves passive. Perhaps if that doesn't work a new Spanish Inquisition will be in order. So that the church police can come into your home without a warrant and punish you for your lifestyle. For reading those banned books, or smoking those banned plants that are more than medicine, or loving the wrong sex. E Pluribus Unum does not mean In God We Trust. It means Out of many, One. Which was the original motto of the United States of America. Our founding fathers were adamant about keeping church and state separate and they said some pretty smart things about a 'world bank' that we ignored too.
But all of this can be fixed. All of it. But it wont be easy. And it wont come from Washington. Not at first. At first its going to have to come from us. From the people. If we want our middle class back, if we really want a nation that is all about sending us your tired and poor and huddled masses, then we better start providing for them, and welcoming them even if they've never heard of nor want to believe in, our upstart religon of only 2000 years. BTW, if we don't want to do this maybe we should change the poem on the Statue of Liberty to not say these iconic words. Maybe we will have to change it to You Will Be Assimulated, Resistance is Futile. Like we did with the Native Indians when we came and conquored this country. It's unfortunate that we came from so many generations of submissive behavior that we coudln't change this warlike attitude and live in peace with the natives, but that's an mistake I hoped we wouldn't repeat....History repeats. Are we ready to be the next natives on this soil to be taken over by a monster? Whos ideas are as outdated as genecide. I think to change we have to admit our failures and learn from them and not repeat our bloody past, but to move forward with kindness and love and use our great abilities at creating things and building them to make a new great contry. One that the world wantd to emulate not make fun of.
But just to remind you what we once believed and how we tried to build a great nation of change against controled religion, unfair taxes and monarchy ruling over slaves, a dream of equality for all men (we're still working on the woman part, but its better than it was). Here is a reminder of what the plaque near the statue of liberty actually says:
But have you noticed that in the last few elections how the scope of candidates has changed? And it's not just this election but somehow this elections seems worse. Maybe it's because the country is so visibaly split and the scary candidates have not only followers but a voice that is changing minds. Changing minds, means changing votes. And throwing up your hands and not voting because you like no one, is voting. If you do that, then your vote goes missing, and your missing vote might have been all the only good candidate needed to win. It seems now that if you have a voice and you are speaking for the people and trying to give them what they want you are the odd candidate. You are the one the press makes fun of and the evil politicians try to discredit with scary terms or out right lies.
Our country is run by big business and we have voted that in, by voting for candidates who are funded by those big businesses. It's not always our faults, before the internet we had no way of knowing which candidates were in the pockets of Big Oil, or Big Drugs, Big War, or Big Money (cue RUSH). We look the other way and cross our fingers and pull the lever, or draw a line, and cast our vote. But we don't really know what we voted in until we see the results of a term of four years. I've watched a lot of what I can only hope were good men, with good ideas, get elected and then have everything they ran on blocked by a bought out senate and house. Who block every good idea and never let that good man get anything done. Well, unless it has to do with Big Oil, Big Drugs, Big Money or Big War. That changes a man. It destroys his positive outlook that he can make a change. And he spends the rest of his term in a battle of wits and words. Bogged down by so much red tape that nothing can be done.
Look, I'm sure we can agree on one thing this election. Everyone wants a change. Well everyone except the 1%. They want to keep everything like it is if not worse. They want a new Dark Ages where we are slaves and pacified. Why do you think a drug like marijuana is finally becoming legal in so many states? To keep the slaves passive. Perhaps if that doesn't work a new Spanish Inquisition will be in order. So that the church police can come into your home without a warrant and punish you for your lifestyle. For reading those banned books, or smoking those banned plants that are more than medicine, or loving the wrong sex. E Pluribus Unum does not mean In God We Trust. It means Out of many, One. Which was the original motto of the United States of America. Our founding fathers were adamant about keeping church and state separate and they said some pretty smart things about a 'world bank' that we ignored too.
But all of this can be fixed. All of it. But it wont be easy. And it wont come from Washington. Not at first. At first its going to have to come from us. From the people. If we want our middle class back, if we really want a nation that is all about sending us your tired and poor and huddled masses, then we better start providing for them, and welcoming them even if they've never heard of nor want to believe in, our upstart religon of only 2000 years. BTW, if we don't want to do this maybe we should change the poem on the Statue of Liberty to not say these iconic words. Maybe we will have to change it to You Will Be Assimulated, Resistance is Futile. Like we did with the Native Indians when we came and conquored this country. It's unfortunate that we came from so many generations of submissive behavior that we coudln't change this warlike attitude and live in peace with the natives, but that's an mistake I hoped we wouldn't repeat....History repeats. Are we ready to be the next natives on this soil to be taken over by a monster? Whos ideas are as outdated as genecide. I think to change we have to admit our failures and learn from them and not repeat our bloody past, but to move forward with kindness and love and use our great abilities at creating things and building them to make a new great contry. One that the world wantd to emulate not make fun of.
But just to remind you what we once believed and how we tried to build a great nation of change against controled religion, unfair taxes and monarchy ruling over slaves, a dream of equality for all men (we're still working on the woman part, but its better than it was). Here is a reminder of what the plaque near the statue of liberty actually says:
New Colossus
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisioned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisioned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearing to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
olden door!"
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Sunday Church!...Wait?....What?!
That's right. I went to church today and I didn't explode or set the place on fire. And I had I good time. I know, I know what you're thinking. YOU?! But YOU don't DO church. And that's true. But today I did. For Flower Girl turned two on Friday and this morning was her deidcation at her families church. And they invited me to join their very large family in celebrating this milestone in their daughter's life, and well, I do love that little one so much, so I said yes. Of course. It was a beautiful ceremony and a sermon that I felt a slight connection with. It was about emotional maturity in the community of your life. Of course it was directed mainly at your commuity of your church, but I could see the deeper meaning that was being told to me. About emotional maturity coming from a community of others and never when you lock yourself away. I think I'm being given a message of 'its time to get out there and meet some people'.
If you know me you know that's not easy for me. I'd much rather just stay at home or talk on line to my friends I already know and love. And after spending seven hours with them all, I'm very comfortable and happy to be back home alone. It is a real danger being single for a very long time. You start to really love the freedom and the silence. The choices are all mine to make for good or ill. And I can come and go as I wish, never having to stay at a gathering longer because my husband does. Or not getting to go because he doesn't. And while a part of me feels ready again after Mr. Charisma, to meet someone and perhaps try again as a couple or as companigns, just as large a part of me feels great just the way things are.
I know that's lazy, but it's true. When I look back at all my romances, I can honestly say, the one thing they had in common was that I was happy before I met each of them. Or thought I was. Yes, of course with the blush of a new love I was instantly a different kind of happy once I met them, but I was happy without. Centered, settled and comfortable. And there's nothing wrong with that. One of Beatle Boy's younger cousins asked me today, "Who are you with?" A fair question from a curious child and with a confident smile I answered, "No one." This 4 year old thought about that and then asked, "Why?" And I found my smile increased as I replied, "Because I don't need anyone else." And you know what? I believed it this time. And that's a really important crossroads. Over the last year I have found myself growing in new directions and I'm more confident with each step that I take. I hope my favorite people will be able to keep up.
Cheers
If you know me you know that's not easy for me. I'd much rather just stay at home or talk on line to my friends I already know and love. And after spending seven hours with them all, I'm very comfortable and happy to be back home alone. It is a real danger being single for a very long time. You start to really love the freedom and the silence. The choices are all mine to make for good or ill. And I can come and go as I wish, never having to stay at a gathering longer because my husband does. Or not getting to go because he doesn't. And while a part of me feels ready again after Mr. Charisma, to meet someone and perhaps try again as a couple or as companigns, just as large a part of me feels great just the way things are.
I know that's lazy, but it's true. When I look back at all my romances, I can honestly say, the one thing they had in common was that I was happy before I met each of them. Or thought I was. Yes, of course with the blush of a new love I was instantly a different kind of happy once I met them, but I was happy without. Centered, settled and comfortable. And there's nothing wrong with that. One of Beatle Boy's younger cousins asked me today, "Who are you with?" A fair question from a curious child and with a confident smile I answered, "No one." This 4 year old thought about that and then asked, "Why?" And I found my smile increased as I replied, "Because I don't need anyone else." And you know what? I believed it this time. And that's a really important crossroads. Over the last year I have found myself growing in new directions and I'm more confident with each step that I take. I hope my favorite people will be able to keep up.
Cheers
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