....I'm having such a good time.
Two chapters down! And many more to go. But last night I got the feedback on the first two chapters, probably the most important for any book is the beginning, followed by the ending. I have many more chapters to rewrite, and two more that are waiting for feedback but I'm on a roll. And I'm looking forward to continuing later tonight with either feedback or a joint writing session as Mr. Practical is getting excited to start his second draft.
Another thing we have in common is the rewrite. Its where the real fun of writing starts. It is also the part most writers dread because there is a lot of rethinking and staring at the page wondering which direction to go, until the moment hits you where you know you have it right. This is where we have become almost irreplaceable to each other.
Our artistic connection is so strong that we started to fall in love with each other through our writing. With our minds first. As I've said before it's a very intimate place to be, stomping around in someone else's imagination. Hearing their thoughts on whatever subject they are writing about. We both dabble in the fantasy realms so there is a lot of magic, fighting, politics, religion, love....sex....a lot of the big topics that you discuss at friends and lovers. These topics were how we started our real friendship, and this is where we have found our connection to have made it through the last year of very little if any communication. He calls those months the Dark Months. Which makes me smile considering his availability is very much...well not available. That his life was not as rich without me in it makes me smile. I know we can't go back, but we can go forward. And going forward is the only direction you can go. No matter what you tell yourself you are doing.
Even if you go back to an old flame, you are moving forward because it is never the same as it once was, so you really can't go back. And we are not going back to what we were. We aren't sure what we are. But we aren't denying it any longer. The last year for us both, was a real test in growth and if we can truly be happy for each other. And while I believe we were/are, the pangs that we aren't together made being apart...well...dark. Made us both have more symptoms of it not being the right decision. For example neither of us being able to write. My depression and anxiety became unbearable without meds, as did his. Now that we are back in each others lives, even if its long distance, we are both much better in that area. I'm down to one med, and even with all the drama in his life he seems more relaxed and happy when we are chatting or creating together.
I know what you are thinking, and you are right. We are both worth more than this half a relationship. But you know what? The only thing that is really missing is a physical thing that while we are very attracted to each other, is at most a frustration that we can't act on. And an emotion that we have learned over the last four years to let smolder out of mutual respect, and love. We just don't deny that it's there anymore. We embrace it. And it has made all the difference. We were holding back our true feelings, and that, for our honest relationship was an impossible act to continue.
Neither of us knows what this means for our future, and we don't care. We are not writing the end of our story, we are living our individual journey and basking in our times together. I hope it brings joy to all the people that actually interact with us and surround us. I think it does. I think that it can't help but overflow out of us. But even if it doesn't, it does when we are together. And maybe someday we'll be able to write in the same room again.
Never give up on your dreams. Never give up on yourself. If you believe in yourself, wonderful things start to happen in your life. Don't fall into the trap of thinking too much or being inside your own head to the point of depression. Talk to your network of friends and family and if that isn't enough get some help. Find out why you feel out of sorts, don't deny that you might be lying to yourself about something, like we did, for the greater good. NOTHING is greater than you. NOTHING is greater than I. Very Zen, I know, but its true. YOU are the greater good.
Cheers.
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