As I sit here writing this I am confronted with an old opinion that I've just rediscovered. I started writing my novel again yesterday. Edited five and a half chapters in about three hours. Then went on with my normal Saturday of working out and groceries and hanging out long distance with First Daughter. Today has the normal blogging, a long distance movie later with Mr. Practicle, cleaning and cooking for next week on the docket A typical weekend to a typical week. And normally by now I'd start feeling like I was in a rut and should go out and DO something. And then get anxiety about it because I really can't afford to or don't want to be around people. And that's where the people are...outside. But not this weekend. This weekend I'm happy in my rut and looking forward to the down time. And I asked myself why? What made this weekend different? Sure I'm looking forward to seeing First Daughter in four days, but I don't think that's entirely it.
I think it's because I wrote. I used to use writing as a sure fire way to get over the blues or any situation that felt too normal, thus needing an escape. I'm sure that if I wrote more often I'd feel better emotionally. So why don't I just do it? Because it's not just writing any old word that gives me this high. It's writing something and then coming back to it and reading it and instead of saying, "that's shit" I say, "I wrote that? I like that." It gives my confidence a boost that is always needed. And even the 'that's shit' moments are opportunities.
They say, and they say a lot, that knowing your problem is the first step to controlling it. And perhaps that's right. But for me, my problems are all in my head. And I don't mean that in a physician's way of handling a hypochondriac. I mean, it's all in my attitude. Which I can control and which is in MY head. I can be happy or sad or in love or out of love. All in my head. All in my choice of what I want to express or feel or not feel. The mind is much more powerful than we know, and the 'fake it til you make it' philosophy has some merit. It's how I quit smoking seventeen years ago. I just told myself I wasn't a smoker, believed it, stopped buying them, and quit. Mind over matter. They say that in extreme situations, it can even work with some pain. I wonder about that but not enough to test it.
I know this sounds silly but if you find yourself in a bad mood, or feeling depressed or upset about something you can't change, try thinking your way out. Try feeling the opposite, just do it. Try talking yourself out of it. Use your skill in imagination and will power to feel something until something happens that actually changes your outlook. Sometimes it is just the will to get out of bed that does the trick. Sometimes it is taking that nap.