Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas

This will be short and sweet as I have too much to squeeze into two days, which makes me lucky, loved, and in the way I measure success....successful.

I sincerely hope you are all having a terrific holiday, and that you are surrounded by the people that love you the most, and that you love the most.  But I know that's not the case. I know it's hard, but try not to be sad about the ones you can't be near, for whatever reasons.  While you are being joyous with the ones that can be near, take a moment to remember everyone that you love that you wish you could be with today.  And don't forget to raise a glass and toast to their memory, both living and dead, and unknown.

This is the time of year when we all fill our hearts with a little more love and a little more understanding for our fellow human.  See if you can keep that joy for longer than a day....or a week.  See if you can try to be as content as you are this morning, all year long.  You are not alone, you are loved, look around.  See?

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Be Courteous NOT Cool

Another Friday, another interesting night, I remember not too long ago it was Saturday nights that were the most interesting, with the most happing for me at once.  But, again this Friday night, I was approached by 'the young one'  and it was again at a Pat concert.  Seems like his music must bring out the naughty side of me.  As I am much more than once bitten, twice shy, I am pretty aloof when it comes to men and their attentions.  Don't misunderstand this, I'm a flirt.  HUGE one.  I flirt all the time, with men, women, I don't care.  It's like 'the maiden' gets turned on when you add booze to my diet.  And I'm usually in control and happy just flirting.  Some guys take it in a lighthearted way and flirt back, because they know I me, and know this is just who I am and I'm not serious.  Some take it too far, and have to be shown the truth and end up my friends, and some don't know me so they pursue.  I usually just ignore it if it's from someone I'm not interested in, and if it's someone that I like or feel I might like, I flirt my way into his line of sight and see what happens, usually being bold enough to speak first in a confident way that says to him, without him realizing it, 'I've already made the first move, impress me.'  What comes out of his mouth next will determine weather I waste anymore time on him.  The line needs to be forceful, in control and without a doubt a truly felt emotion.  I can tell the difference, believe me.  I'm a flirt, actress and better combination for lying.

Now sometimes, rarely, I might add, I get impressed by a younger man.  It has happened only three times in my past, where a young one made me consider them my equal and age became a moot point.  And I still, rarely, I might add, allow a young one past my defenses.  If they continue to try to breach my walls past my favorite lines of guaranteed retreat, which follow:
"I'm sorry, but I have shoes older than you."
"You're how old?  Come back when your 30, you're not ripe yet."
Well if they can make it past those with any sense of humor, or intellect, I usually let it continue.  Sometimes way past where it should.  This happened to me last month, and he had been trying to get my attention since Oktoberfest, unsuccessfully.  (I may have mentioned this in a blog around then as well) Anyway, he succeeded last month, and to my surprise, (I never expect anyone to stay or last...) he was interested in a repeat performance after the show.  He even planned it with me several times during the show, asking me if I was open to it again, and letting me know he would text me after letting out his dogs and catch up to me.  My interest was suddenly peeked at his continued interest after not speaking to each other after the last time.  And of course as with any attention in this area, I was flattered, but not flying.  Not blown away, not incredibly interested either way, just flattered.  (not like the young ones from the past)  So understand that I was not all that disappointed when he didn't text.  Especially with the roads as slippery as they were with the new snow, and how late it was after the show.  Understand that i feel asleep happy for the good time I'd had that night with dear friends.

What bothered me was the next morning.  When the 'mom' in me started to think, "what if he was on his way home and didn't make it?'  After all we were all drinking, and the roads were a bit slick.  You see last night, I had convinced myself that he either got home and decided it was too late, or hooked up with someone else.  Good for him.  I'm too old for him anyway.  This was my inner voice telling me something I could believe in.  However this is part of Believing The Con, Rule # 8 in my new book.  If he had been serious and decided on not coming back out, he would have texted, either that night or the next day.  So he obviously hooked up with someone else, or is dead on the side of the road.  Here is where the logic made the friend in me come to the surface.  I texted him later in the afternoon/evening...saying "hope you made it home safe"
no response
.........he must be dead need to alert the media or the authorities as he's dead
............................................because a nice person, not a cool one, would respond if alive, right?
and I certainly don't spend time with people that aren't nice and considerate, and courteous.
......I hope he's not still bleading by the side of the road alive...oh, wait a minute, this is Wisconsin, he'd be frozen not bleeding anymore....

Let this be a lesson to you, for logic will run rapid if feelings get involved...and feelings are always involved unless you are a robot.  And if you want to be sure someone finds you before you die, make sure if you say you are going to text, that you actually do, even if it's a lie, and you aren't really tired, and the roads aren't really all that bad, and you are under or on top of someone else. Because its respectful, and you might need someone to care about you someday, and if you are cool and not courteous, you might bleed to death by the side of the road, because no one will care enough to check on you.

This weeks blog has been brought to you by the 'the inside of a woman's mind' and the letter C and the number 3.


Sunday, December 11, 2011

Experience Isn't Always Welcome

Friday, I got some bad news from a woman who is like a daughter to me and for the second time in a year, I am confronted with a tragedy that I can help with.  Her mother died suddenly, and nothing good comes from that.  Well maybe years later, something good can come....experience.  This is something I've lived through, and this is something I can help with.  I've talked to her every day since, told her what to expect so she won't think she's gone crazy.  For those of you that have experienced the loss of a parent, you will get this right away.  She listened through her tears, and I could tell she was taking notes in her head.

Notes about how not to be surprised when something wonderful happens and for a split second you can't wait to tell them, then you remember they are dead.  Or how you might wake up that morning and for a moment not remember they are gone....then it hits you....and before the sadness attacks you, you remember what happy felt like.  Or the dreams....dreams of you loved one trying to talk to you, you can't understand what they are saying or you can't hear them at all, but they are trying to talk to you....That one is probably the most unsettling...your subconscious mind telling you that they left before they could tell you everything they wanted.  Which I bet is universal.  Everyone always has something more they wished they'd shared with their children.  How introspective she is going to be for days....numb....not able to actually take care of to remember to eat, even if you're not hungry.  To let it all go and to actually grieve....take the time to remember, tell stories of them that made you smile.....Keep their memory alive, especially to people to young to remember, like her son.  How she will always feel her near her, and not just in times of stress, more so then, but not only.

I wanted to go to the funeral, but I can't be there with her.  The wake is today, and it's her birthday today.  And I thought it was bad that my mom died and the funeral was the day before Easter....but to have it be the day before my birthday, kind of puts a dark cloud on the celebration for a few years.

How do you wish someone a happy birthday on the day of her mothers wake?

Sunday, December 4, 2011


I'm not sure where to begin this week, it's been a rough one.  Mostly because I was in bed with the flu, so my business was...well one policy sold is not a business.  But I'm trying not to use the unsuccessful holiday week followed by a sick week as my norm.  I know it's not, but the failure of it is still working on me.  I will go out and make something happen next week.  I have to.  Oh the joys of commission sales.  Anyway, that is actually in the back of my mind...always.

Something else that has been in the back of my mind...always...and is also a failure is my lack of a consistent relationship.  This week, trapped in my bed, gave me a lot of time to think, and catch up on fb and google+ games.  And with that mindless clicking and wasting of time, I came up with an idea for a new book.  Its a self help book about seeing your ex after many years, and I've chosen to write it in the second person, like almost all self help books are, and with a tone of someone sitting you down and trying to convince you just how bad an idea this is.  It's actually turning out quite funny, for such a sad topic.  Well, sad in my case.  And I think that my experiences have made it more funny.  Now it's short, right now.  But only the two most recent ex's are far.  (insert evil laugh here)

Although some of you might recognize yourselves in the several 'lists' that are included in said book.  The working title is "Seeing Your Ex After Several Years", and I don't like it....Need a better title, so feel free to comment on ideas.  Oh, yeah, and it's written like a zombie survival guide....a basic rule book of what to do before, during and after said meeting.  It will be a short book when finished, something easily read on a plane trip or hotel room, or as i say in the preface:
'This is a rule book for seeing your ex.  Consider it in the same vein as a guide book for zombie survival.  The chances of this event occurring are slim but inevitable, so when it does happen, you will want to be prepared, and not find yourself surrounded by, well, zombies….um, I mean ex’s.  So feel free to keep this by your bedside, as I know you will find it very comforting bedtime reading.  And well, you might need it nearby.  It should be handy in case you feel a need to hit yourself over the head with it.  And if you keep it by your bed, you might have one last chance to knock some sense into yourself before said bed....with said ex....
……good luck.'
 I guess you can tell by the preface that I don't think seeing your ex is a good idea.  I had even toyed with the idea of having it be my weekly blog for a while, and just posting a chapter a week, but I decided that I should try to publish it instead.  I'm thinking it might be perfect for a web based/kindle download/ book.  And my editor and I will be looking into how to do that, once he's had a chance to go over it and fix all my spelling, punctuation, and grammar.  Oh and of course feedback.  I really need feedback.  This is not guilt, this is fact. (first draft is done!)  I'm toying with the idea of touching on all my past relationships in this book, and I know several of my ex's read this blog so if you have an issue with your memory being a subject matter for a funny self help book on why you can't go back, tell me now.

I'd like to know.  Seriously.  Or if you just want to read it before it goes out there, just to be sure that I've not mentioned names (of course i kidding, wanted you to do a spit take all over your names, dates, times, places, or anything that anyone could or would know, except us.....or in most cases only me).  Oh and if you are going to contact me please do not do it in person.  Seeing your ex is a bad idea...don't you know that?