Sunday, May 26, 2013

Needed vs Needy

Discovering that I'm needed is probably more meaningful and necessary to my healing process than knowing I'm loved.  I know that being needy has had a negative meaning attached to it, and I'm quite aware that I'm needy when in love.  Many might say that I get obsessed with the man I love and want to wrap him up into my life and include him in every facet.  No matter what my friends or family may think, and even to the point of neglecting those same friends and family in favor of spending time with him.  And I believe that this observation is very correct.  I also see nothing wrong with it.  When two people are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together, they do.  It just happens.  It might seem like a sudden change to everyone around them, but to them it is a necessary and completely rational thing to do.  Family and friends might feel slighted, and or left behind.  They may even say things that they don't mean to let you know that you are missed and that they notice that something important has changed in your life.  These things may not always come out as kind and loving as they feel, for their feelings may be hurt at the thought that they could be left behind.  However that is not what is happening.  It is just the first blush of love, and that indescribable feeling that you want to share everything you are with the other person you love.  The more deep and interesting and well versed you are in subjects and passions the longer this can take.  For truly discovering someone takes a life time.  And while you may miss the time you use to spend alone, or with friends and family, you begin to understand that the person you most want to share everything with, the the person that is right beside you.  That kind of need becomes addictive.  That kind of love and acceptance becomes the thing that makes you stronger, and keeps you going when times are tough and friends can't be found.  The knowing that the one person that loves you the most, needs you the most, is just as obsessed and needy for you as you are for them, is the best feeling that comes with love.  Its important to understand that these feelings are mutual, and therefore positive.

Never feel  bad about being needy, because needing to be with your hearts desire is what love is all about.  So if your partner complains that he or she never gets any time alone, or that you are too needy and clingy and they can't find time to see all the people in their life that they want to.  Step back and really look at how much love is in this relationship.  Because a man or woman that really loves you, wants to spend as much time as possible with you, and share with you everything that happens to them, when you can't be together.  They never need to escape you.  When we don't get this kind of mutual togetherness in a relationship we secretly long for it, and in some cases make up reasons why it's ok that we aren't getting it.  Excuses like, "it's not normal to want to spend so much time together"  or  "you are suffocating me" or  "I need to spend time with my friends/family" or the real big one...."I need some space."  For me, I want to share my love with my friends and family, so I don't miss either.  And in the words of the immortal Gorge Carlin, "If you need a little space, then go the fuck outside!"

I'm happy that I am finally in a relationship that seems needy to everyone around us, because it's healthy and proves how much we love each other.  We are our first choice and everyone that really loves us and has experienced this level of love, is happy for us.  For they understand.  The others, may never.  But if and when they do, they will also share our our joy as we will share theirs.  For true happiness is contagious.  And  jealousy is when you know something you want is missing from your life.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Fire and Water or Rock and Water?

You are fire, smoldering, a banked and burning ember waiting to be ignited a touch or a smile.

I am water, rushing past, always in a hurry to get round the next bend, to finally reach that calm, deep pool of thought and reflection.

You are earth, immovable and slow to change, but changing with small imperceptible movements, or sudden quakes, and leaving a permanent new landscape after.

Fire and water! Passionate opposites, attracting naturally.  Needing each others differences to complete the cycle.  When you blaze up in a fury or retreat in a dangerous back draft, I am the tempest that puts you out, and calms your quite natural explosions.  At times leaving you with only the charred remains of a once lush scenery; at other times your blaze outlasts my sudden downpour, and remains a small a just lit match beside a calm, clear lake.  Both pure in their untouched forms, and joined forever together in lighting and rain.  Our tempers match in both sudden storms and sudden quenching.   

Earth and water! Seen more frequently together, natural compliments.  Needing each others similarities to complete the cycle.  When you erupt in an earth shattering quake, I am the sudden gush of water that escapes in a geyser to match your climax, or the calm hidden underground stream that silently nurtures your hard exterior.  Only water can penetrate rock, or over time, slowly change its form, or appearance.  Not with the sudden falls of a thunderstorm of rain or the frozen and quite dampening of snow, but with the deep and thoughtful immersion into the oceans of passion and thought.  When my emotions are nothing but a rushing down hill fall of uncontrollable drops of thought, you are the damn at the end of the rapids, that stops my mad rushing into oblivion.  We adjust quickly to each others changing landscapes, even if we sometimes feel slow to catch up.

I am water...where everyone would love to drown....when the rain washes you clean you'll know....the sea changes color, but the sea does not change...does it?....Stevie Nicks understands having too much water....being water.   Being the element that when absent you die, of thirst, and in abundance you drown  My challenge is in finding a happy medium....a bubbling stream, in a quite wood to camp in.


Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day! or Happy Hallmark Holiday!

This is a hallmark holiday.  And normally I'm really against them. Valentine's Day, Grandparents Day, Father's Day, Sibling Day, (I'd list some of the religious ones too, but some of you might choke on your coffee).  I hate the fact that some people really are sad on Mothers/Fathers Day because they so want children and for whatever reason can't have them.  Or on Valentines Day when they are single, and the actual reminder of the day makes them feel more alone than necessary.  While I appreciate being spoiled on Mother's Day, and am very thankful for my wonderful children for remembering me last night and today, and plans tonight.  To me, it is just another day.  While I think it's great to be remembered, as a mom, on Mother's Day, I think that when your family is truly loving and not dysfunctional, you will be remembered on more than a hallmark holiday.  It's almost like having two birthdays a year, being a mom in this culture.  And I have to admit, my birthday is MUCH more important to me than Mother's Day.  And for the same reasons,  my kids and loved ones spoil me on my birthday, just like today.  

With that also comes the sadness for those of us whose mom's are no longer myself....and again, I have to admit that while I loved my mother greatly and her absence is still felt 14 years after her death; I remember her more on her birthday than today.  I often wish she were still alive to yell at me or hug me or both.  To share my life with and tap into her wisdom.  A wisdom that most of us don't realize is deep and loving until it is ripped away from us by Death.  Sometimes Death really pisses me off.

So if your mom is still living, please call her today, or pop in and see her, or whatever you have planned.  But don't stop there....don't  just think of her today, and her birthday, because no matter how busy you are, believe me, that is noticed.  Remember, life is short, and Death rarely takes a holiday.  And you never know what Fate is planning, so no matter how much time you think you have, you never have enough.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there that I know and love, and to my mom who I feel near me all the time, and miss more than I can articulate....still.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Go Your Own Way, Sara, but don't forget The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

Last Sunday I was reminded by Fleetwood Mac, to live my own life, but more importantly to let others live theirs.  This might sound like common sense to most of you, but to me it is a constant battle to not worry and not control what others do.  I know, right?  Like I can control what others are going to do anyway.  But like most control freaks, I believe that somehow, my opinion makes a difference for the ones that love me, and the ones I love. But what I've come to understand is that it doesn't, that sometimes, love just ain't enough.  Sometimes you have to let go, of everything, control, worry, all of it.  And just breathe and see what happens.  Give people a chance to surprise you, they might not do what your worst fears are, and therefore you need not control.  (or try to).  Give people a chance to prove you wrong, and while you are waiting, just be.  Don't plot, don't plan, and don't try to advise them on what you think might be best for their life.  Even if you think you know better!  WARNING --this is still control.  Or at least an attempt at control.

Its the hardest lesson to learn for people like me. (Ultra organized, nurturing, and large hearted). See,we care the most, and that's why we want to make sure everything is just right for those we love.  Unfortunately our constant questions, immediate assumptions, experience (that's a huge one to overcome....our experiences are not the same) and fear of the 'x' factor, can make some people run scared, or just drift away.

The other thing I've come to realize is that real love, real fondness for another person, just does not go away because the person does.  Just because that man had to walk away, for whatever reason, does not mean that his heart is not with me.  Fleetwood Mac reminded me of this as well, with almost every song that Stevie and Lindsey sang to each other...and yes they still sing to each other, after all this time.  After all this love and heartache, they still respect what they had, both the good and the bad.

Finally seeing them, and getting to enjoy one of my favorite bands sing all of my favorite songs, was an experience I will never forget.  And I hope to take the lessons they taught me, and grow. I've always related to their music and lyrics, and now I feel that I understand exactly why.  Go Your Own Way, Sara, but don't forget The Chain.