Sunday, April 10, 2016

Take A Day to Think

It's hard to know what's on my mind today.  Just getting over bronchitis and knowing I should rest but feeling well for the first time in a month is tempting to do too much and possibly get sicker.  So I'm following doctor's orders and resting as much as I can until Tuesday.  When I should magically feel better and if I don't have to go back for X-rays and steroids, and things I don't want.  SO.  I'm resting....

When I could be out shopping or eating at my English pub or going for a walk, even on this rainy and chilly morning.  I don't make a very good patient.  I tend to not want to go to the doctor until it's almost too late.  I just hate hospitals and doctors offices.  I don't want to know, I just want to feel better.  So I'm trying, as usual, to take care of myself.  Eat better, exercise.  I think about it while I have coffee and bacon or a bowl of ice cream or enchiladas, in my internest surrounded by my TV and laptop and phone and the most comfy king size bed.  It's hard to want to move on the weekends when my studio is set up for maximum non-movement.  Especially when I have doctors orders to rest. 

Too bad I don't have company.  Then it wouldn't seem like hermit mode so much.  But if someone were here, I'd have to share everything.  Including the ice cream, coffee AND the bacon.  Not together of course, although bacon flavored ice cream is probably in our future.  And as fun as it would be to cuddle up with someone right now, I find the thought of sharing anything today distasteful.  I might have gotten more comfortable with my internet friends than actual in-person friends.  This could be dangerous for me as I do enjoy my solitude and my own company.  But if it continues to be enough, I could in effect, become such a loner that I might not ever meet anyone new, at all.  In a city this big, it is very easy to become lost, and no one cares that they haven't seen you about town in awhile because no one knows you are alive.  And yet, as good a show as I put on sometimes, I really do hate meeting new people.  I always feel put on the spot or on stage with no lines.  Uncomfortable at best.  And I guess that's why I detest putting myself out there, even in places I feel comfortable, alone.  I do much better with a partner in crime.  My partners in crime are all too far away. 

Perhaps this is a good day to read or write or just be at one with my thoughts.  We all need days without commitments, without the world pulling us.  Just to be at one with ourselves and breathe.  Of course, the inhaler helps there.