Sunday, May 15, 2016

The Dissapearance of The Poet In My Heart

Last night I went in search of art and inspiration and boy did I find it.  I attended a play called Mitera.  An original work by a friend of mine here in Chicago.  I'd give you all the details so you could experience this wonderful bit of theatre but last night was closing night, so it will do you no good.  I'm happy to report that I got to see it and as a writer, it helped inspire me to dig a little deeper into some of my own experiences and not be afraid to put the truth out there.  No matter what that truth is. 
I think as writers we all try to do this, but sometimes we get bogged down by how it will be received or if it follows some imagined norm of theatre and how a play should look.  As if there were any real norms in art.  As with writing anything, be it a screenplay or play or novel, there are certain formats we should follow if we want to sell our work, but the more important part is to just get it on the page.

Which brings me to some sad news.  I must completely rewrite the play I was working on.  I'm not going to scrap it, although that might be easier.  But I have to cut one of the two main characters.  The one based on another old friend of mine, The Poet In My Heart.  I've felt very close to her for a few years again, let's say six.  But there was a one year break where we didn't talk at all when she moved and was in a destructive and toxic relationship.  She basically disappeared, both physically with the move and on the internet.  Then one day, out of the blue she started talking again.  She moved back and got away from the relationship and we got closer than ever.  But somewhere around the beginning of March, she stopped talking to me.  She stopped responding to hellos and friendly conversation openers that she used to respond to, or that she used to get my attention.  I've tried reaching out in many ways.  Asking if she's ok, since the behaviour is not her norm to me, and after looking back on our conversations I can't find any unsettled argument's or disagreements of any kind.  It's like she's reacting to a fight between us that, I don't remember being a part of.  Which worried me at first.  I tried reaching out again just last week after not trying since April, and now her picture is gone from my phone and I can't see her facebook anymore.  Like I've been blocked.  This bothers me only a little because I'm come to realize that whatever I did or didn't do, it's obviously not important enough to her for her to want to fix it.  She hasn't acted angry at me or blown up or demanded any explanations.  She just stopped being my friend.  And we were close.  We used to talk every day, and tell each other about our lives and get advice and vent.  She had given me her blessing on the play and the character based on her, but now, with no input or blessing from her on her character I can't continue the play with her a part of it.  So I must go back to the drawing board and create a new main character to interact with the character based on me. 

This may be a good thing because I wasn't as happy with it on the page as I thought I was going to be.  But the work....oh I really do hate the work of creating another character, and trying to see what dialogue can stay and what must change.  The characters arguing in my head right now are very different from her, and so my fear is that I should just scrap the whole thing and see how a new version comes out.  But I had finished it....all but the second draft and now it feels like that was a complete waste of time. 

I'm angry now at her for blocking me without any explaination as to why.  But I'm not angry at myself because I don't know what I did.  If I did anything.  And I don't have time in my life for drama like this.  So it's probably for the best.  I'd like to be able to tell her to delete what she's read of my play but I'm sure she already has.  Blocking a person in this day in age is the same thing.  I've been erased from her life.  And she'll never know that all she'd have to do is reach out and I'd welcome her back.  After finding out the story of why she's gone, of course.  I only hope she's not in any danger.  The last few times I tried to reach out that she responded to she assured me we were fine and just didn't feel well or like chatting.  Which was odd in and of itself because we talked with each other when we didn't feel like chatting with anyone else and sicknees never really stopped us before.  But I digress.

What's done is done, and what this is teaching me is that you can't control everything and can't let the things you can't control worry or bother you.  The other thing it's taught me is that if you see a loved one going through something that seems out of character, reach out to their kids, parents, anyone in their family you know to make sure that they are ok.  Sometimes people get sick and sometimes they can't talk about it.  I hope this isn't the case, but the sudden dissapearance of her facebook page has me wondering....what happed to one of my best friends?