Somewhere after the big break up (break down) with Mr. Charisma and the big move to Chicago to change my life two months later, I lost my will to listen to my music. Not just songs that were our songs but all my music. I was depressed. And so I blamed it on that feeling. Even after I was able to claw myself out of the deep dark hole I had willingly plunged myself into (no one forced me to date him) I still found music too painful. Too many memories that I didn't think were making me depressed but they were. Memories from husbands, and Mr. Practical and Mr. Hopeful, seemed the most painful. Memories I just wasn't strong enough to deal with and find a happy memory buried deep within. Every time I tried I had to stop after one song. Even when set on random.
Somehow, and I'm not sure how I lived without another thing I loved. I had movies and TV shows and gaming to fill the void but it really didn't. I missed music. But I was afraid if I listened it would all come back. The what ifs, the sadness that my choices had left me without a partner, the triggers. And living alone here away from almost every friend and almost all my family didn't feel like the smart choice. So I just stopped.
Then an innocent post on facebook from Benny Sweat of the Sweatboys, asked his friends to post videos of the music they are embarrassed they love. You know, those guilty pleasure bands we all love. And I sat myself down, much like Winnie the Pooh on his thinking log, and thought, and thought, and thought about it. Coming to the conclusion that I have excellent taste in music and love all my music, even my guilty pleasure bands or one hit wonders from the 80's. But see, Benny Sweat is an old wise friend, we even wrote a song together once, and it was a wonderful experience to actually see it performed more than once by the band. I felt that I should try to answer, but what song....and what band....and should I maybe listen to some music to see. These thoughts paraded through my mind as I watched my laptop warily from across the internest.
Recently I got First Daughter to watch Rita on Netflix with me, a Danish dramedy about a strong female teacher that I greatly identify with and the theme song is a real toe-tapper that reminds me of ABBA and makes me want to get up and dance. Here's a link for those of you that are curious, and the lyrics are especially important as they always are to me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip1bo2IbBgM
So that's it. I listened. I posted. And Benny and his wife and a slew of his friends loved it. And the floodgates opened. Joyful tears fell. And my music program ran on random most of the day, while I remembered with happiness that I had had a lifetime of experiences attached to music to remember. I am no longer afraid of my music, and can even find some enjoyment in the songs that were painful. I have so much music to discover in the last three years. Feel free to post any of your favorites for me to hear. I'd appreciate the additions to my memories.
Cheers
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