Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Wonders of Hackers!

So, my old blog Oh Snap! is still out there, but I can't log into it, because the e-mail I used to write it was hacked, and not recoverable.  So I had to start a new one with my new e-mail.  I'm hoping that I don't lose you all....well the international followers I might lose, but I'll post the new link on fb, and hopefully you'll all be able to follow the new blog. 

What a week.  I've gotten to the point in my romantic life where I've decided that I don't have one. I have a fantasy, a dream, a wish, but I don't have a life.  He has a life without me in it, and it rips me apart that I can't be a part of it.  As wonderful as it was when we could see other, it was not as great as it could have been.  Our lives are moving in different directions and we can't get them together.  And, we're not getting any younger....So, its time to move on.  At least this time I don't feel like the decision has been made for me.  He's pushing me away for my own good, and I need time to get over him.  I hope we can remain friends, but its difficult for me to admit that this is a mistake.  That loving him is bad for me. 

In life you have to make the mistakes to learn, and over the past two years I've made basically the same mistake twice.  I could bore you with the details, and give you explanations as to why I felt justified that I could trust their feelings, but I won't.  Suffice it to say that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes love is not enough.  My timing sucks.  Always has and always will. 

I spent yesterday getting ready and looking forward to an exciting event that never took place, and then I got my nose bent out of shape over a stupid argument.  I blocked him, he de-friended me....blah, blah, blah....very high school, not who we are.  We are both running simultaneously away from each other and toward each other.  I can't handle the roller coaster of his life, or his emotions.  He brings out the crazy girl brain in me, and I hate that.  So I'm going to welcome the fact that he's pushed me away, and get over him.  Move on until a time when he might be more available. 

I don't know what the future will bring, but I do know this.  I can't live like this anymore.