IMHO

In My Humble Opinion
What is so scary about that?  Why do people run from a humble opinion, or honest one?  Or is that too many people see humble opinions as not honest ones?  I understand pain and lack of trust.  I familiar moments doubt and insecurity.  I’m acquainted with paranoia and self-fulling prophecy.  But what I don’t understand is anger when I’m being honest.

I had an experience yesterday with a friend, who got angry at my opinion because it differed from hers.  She said it was because I couldn’t just be happy for her, but I had said I was happy for her earlier on in the conversation.  Which is true, if she is satisfied then who and I to not be happy.  However when she first mentioned this issue, she asked me for an honest opinion and I gave her one. One that she didn’t like.  I think it was more that she was not expecting it and immediately when she thought about it disagreed.  Even with new information, my opinion hasn’t changed all that much, due to my own life experience.  I don’t think she expected that, I also think her judgement is clouded in this area because she is too close to the situation.  As we all are when we are asking for opinions.

Now keep in mind here that I gave very little if any advice, since she didn’t ask what to do, just what I thought.  Thats a hard line to walk, but I’m getting better at it.  When I was younger I used to only give advice because I figured that’s what people really wanted when asking for an opinion, it’s not.  I learned that the hard way.

See I come from a long line of very brutally honest women, and I while that trait has caused me to lose a few friends along the way its also given me several wonderful ones who are as honest with me.  And I wouldn’t trade them for the other type for anything in the world.  I know when one of my honest friends, who isn’t afraid of the truth or an alternate opinion, tells me something, that it’s real.  With everyone else, I’m skeptical.  What’s their reason for telling me this?  Is it because they have my best interests at heart or is it some hidden agenda I know nothing about?

This kind of fear is left over from the childhood abuse I suffered, and from my upbringing to always be on the look out, after that time.  Its left me with many scars and not so hidden armor.  The up side to all of this is that to be so honest with everyone around me, I had to start with myself.  And that journey has not only been difficult and painful but illuminating and joyous.

For the first time in my life I’m alone.  My children are grown up and my apartment is my own.  My life is finally my own.  And I thought I’d be very sad when this happened, but the last year has been a comfortable, relaxing quiet that only parents with small children can appreciate.  And I’m a nanny for my day gig.  So I still long for the giggles and the sound of children.  It’s a joyous thing, believe me.  But I’m glad it’s only 10 hours a day.  I have become very greedy of my alone time.  There is a healing comfort in being able to be alone and not be lonely or guilty or afraid.  Three emotions that abused children carry with them as adults all the time.  It surrounds us like a cloud of anger.  We jump or startle at the slightest touch that we don’t expect, and it makes us seem edgy and nervous.  And well we are.  We don’t know you.  And if our abuse came from a family member or a person of trust like it usually does, well, we trusted and knew them and look what happened.  How do you expect us to react to a person we don’t know?

Opinions are something we all have and judgements we all make.  Usually snap ones.  But most of us don’t want to hear someone else’s opinion if it differs from our own.  I’m not like that.  I welcome the intelligent debate or conversation that will occur.  As long as it stays intelligent and not an opportunity to try and change my mind with some kind of force.  Unless its consensual,  having survived more than one rape, I’m not a fan of force.

Cheers.