What Depression Taught Me

Admitting there is a problem is the first step.

There's a problem.

There.  I took a step. 

Now what?

The advice comes.  From every direction.  Some you ask for some you don't and most is wrong, no matter how well meaning.

Then you sit.  And listen. 

You think, probably too much.

You refuse 'outside' or 'social' activities.

You drink.  Or smoke.  Or whatever you do to escape.  (I play video games, and sometimes drink)

Nothing feels 'right'.

Memories invade.

Suddenly you feel alone, and disjointed, out of phase and a huge failure at life and question all the decisions you have made.  Instead of being happy with your life and where you are.  Who you are.

You remember who you were when you thought you were happy.  And you try to recreate the past.  This never works.

You buck up and try to make friends only to have no one show up.  Or be disappointed that the initial 'connection' wasn't really there.  People wear too many masks.

You decide you can only count on yourself.  And resign yourself to being alone and learning how to really enjoy your own company.

You go to plays, movies, eat out once in awhile at a nice place.  You do your errands and play your on line games, and live your life, sometimes surrounded by the wrong people and sometimes alone, but you are living a life.

See, there is no room for feeling depressed or sorry for yourself. YOU ARE ALIVE.

YOU ARE AWARE.

YOU ARE HERE.

And the only thing that really matters is how you adjust to change.  Which is the only thing that you can count on.  Things change.  Nothing stays the same.  So if you don't like where you are now, hold on, you wont be there long.  And if you do, hold on tight, so you can stand tall through the changes.

HOLD ON.

KEEP TRYING.

BELIEVE IN YOU.  You are one of a kind and special and there is NO ONE else like you HERE.  NO ONE.   Remember this.  And walk tall.

Cheers.