That's right. I went to church today and I didn't explode or set the place on fire. And I had I good time. I know, I know what you're thinking. YOU?! But YOU don't DO church. And that's true. But today I did. For Flower Girl turned two on Friday and this morning was her deidcation at her families church. And they invited me to join their very large family in celebrating this milestone in their daughter's life, and well, I do love that little one so much, so I said yes. Of course. It was a beautiful ceremony and a sermon that I felt a slight connection with. It was about emotional maturity in the community of your life. Of course it was directed mainly at your commuity of your church, but I could see the deeper meaning that was being told to me. About emotional maturity coming from a community of others and never when you lock yourself away. I think I'm being given a message of 'its time to get out there and meet some people'.
If you know me you know that's not easy for me. I'd much rather just stay at home or talk on line to my friends I already know and love. And after spending seven hours with them all, I'm very comfortable and happy to be back home alone. It is a real danger being single for a very long time. You start to really love the freedom and the silence. The choices are all mine to make for good or ill. And I can come and go as I wish, never having to stay at a gathering longer because my husband does. Or not getting to go because he doesn't. And while a part of me feels ready again after Mr. Charisma, to meet someone and perhaps try again as a couple or as companigns, just as large a part of me feels great just the way things are.
I know that's lazy, but it's true. When I look back at all my romances, I can honestly say, the one thing they had in common was that I was happy before I met each of them. Or thought I was. Yes, of course with the blush of a new love I was instantly a different kind of happy once I met them, but I was happy without. Centered, settled and comfortable. And there's nothing wrong with that. One of Beatle Boy's younger cousins asked me today, "Who are you with?" A fair question from a curious child and with a confident smile I answered, "No one." This 4 year old thought about that and then asked, "Why?" And I found my smile increased as I replied, "Because I don't need anyone else." And you know what? I believed it this time. And that's a really important crossroads. Over the last year I have found myself growing in new directions and I'm more confident with each step that I take. I hope my favorite people will be able to keep up.