Sunday, February 7, 2016

Nut...Tree

It's Superbowl Sunday, and I'm excited to see my Bronco's once again in the game.  I'm also looking forward to watching it with Mr. Hopeful this afternoon.  It should be a great game, with the number one offense and defense going at it.  At least, I hope it's a good one. I hate watching scoreless games where the ball seems to never move.  I must make some snacks soon. 

I know it's a long way off but I'm really looking forward to First Daughter's visit in May.  She and Husband except for the Paper are planning a visit in May and hoping to come for Mother's Day Weekend, which would be wonderful.  I usually spend that day with Second Daughter and Second Son and the little ones, Ginger Snap and Sammy Bo Baggins, but this year we might all get to see each other for few minutes. I would love to show off First Daughter and Husband except for the Paper to Carrie and Ben.  I am hoping to get them all together and see if this feud or distance between them can be mended.  Boys are so much easier than girls. 

I think one of the most important things our children teach us is how infalliable we are.  Shows us our real egos, and if we're good parents, forces us to change for our children.  The errors in behavior we see in them, they acquire from us.  "I learned it from watching YOU!"  Not so far from the truth.

I'm reflective about parenthood, today.  Yesterday, the 6th of February was an important date in history to me for it was the day my mother was born.  And for First Son this is also a doubly important date for his survival, because I also eloped and married his father on this day, but that's another story. 

How do I explain the relationship between two strong willed, intelligent, opinionated, blunt, honest, women who are most of the time best friends but when they are opposed they unmovable enemies?  Oh I know, look at me and MY daughter.  Well that explains it for me, but it doesn't for anyone else. 
My mother was a perfect example to me of what to be, and what not to be, at the same time.  And when I look back on some of the areas we disagreed on, I can see how right she was now.  But it took me until my thirties to really believe how accurate her predicitions about people were.  Her X Man power was being able to see through peoples masks, and to know instantly if she liked them or not.  Some she really liked and others she never said a word to.  You could tell if she liked you immediately, and she was fearless in showing her true feelings.  WOW.  That was power.  What I wouldn't give to have believed in my gut that much for my entire life.  You know it's true, right?  Those things your mother says that really piss you off, because she's right?  And a tiny voice in your head just keeps nagging at you, just like she does.  But you are so stubborn you wont listen?  Yea....You know.  Anyway, I miss her every day.  And I can still hear her telling me if it was the right or wrong thing to do.  Amazing that link between children and their parents.  You know everyone always talks about the special link between parents and children, but not many of us talk about the link in reverse. 

Children feel the loss of their parents as much as parents feel the loss of their children.  In most cases, MOST cases, the only differences are that the parents lived a long life, and when children die it is so unfair, because they have yet to live at all.  And there are no memories built up together of a lifetime of lazy Sunday's, or fast paced but fun vacations, just the cruel memories of what you dreamed you would have together.

There have been so many times since she died where I would have loved to have gotten her opinions on a person that waltzed into my life, or a financial situation.  She had a head for figures as well.  We miss being told what to do, sometimes.  Or at least we miss your daily example that answered more questions for us than you'll ever realize.

So much in theatre and movies, our thing, that we could have shared.  The last movie she saw in the theatre was Titantic...Leo and Kate, it's still hard for me to watch all the way through.  You know her last movie would be a great one.  She introduced me to all the greats she loved and I did that for my kids too.  Its funny how we are the same.  I look at my daughter and see the ways we are different, because she has a bit of that, and her fathers mother too.  They liked each other in life, it's an interesting blend in First Daughter.

I still love her.  And I still need her.  And she is always in my head.  So she is never really gone.
All that shit is so true, and you know this if you've lost a parent.  I have a few friends whose parents are probably starting to show some signs of really aging.  It's an odd sensation and I'm not looking forward to seeing that look in my kids eyes.  It's funny, I feel older thinking about my mom at my age than I do on New Year or my birthday.

Here's to strong connections.
Cheers