Twelve days until Wizard Con and my friend Nikki Styx will be here to help me celebrate. Well, I'm actually helping her celebrate, because it's her birthday, and it was her idea that we should go, and her idea won over my anxiety. And I said yes. Yes to the crowds of strangers, the fact that they are geeks and nerds like me is what makes me ok with this. Because in eleven days I'm going, by myself to the venue, after work, and checking in. All alone. At my first con, with my anxiety held before me like a giant shield against the world. The reason I want to check in on Thursday night is because I work on Friday too and they aren't open for check in by the time I'd get there; and I'd have to wait until Saturday morning, which will be crowded with others that waited. So less crowds, get my swag and checked in early, and make my anxiety shut the fuck up!
When I was younger I never felt like this. Prior to the rapes I never was afraid of crowds or people. I'm sure its how my PTSD from the events, presents itself. As long as I'm with one other person, I'm fine. And my daughter doesn't understand why I talk to strangers, when I'm alone. When the situation is new, It's become a comfort to me to make a friend on the train, or bus. Just to feel less alone and invisible. Less afraid of the men. My goal is to beat my anxiety to the ground until it no longer is a control over my social life.
I have everything I need for the con, and I'm super excited to meet David Tennant (got his VIP package, before they added a Doctor Who Gold with Alex Kingston also John Barrowman, Kate Tate and Jenna Coleman packages) SO we got a photo shoot with John and autograph session with Alex. They added a lot of talent, TWD, and Firefly and Stranger Things, even Gene Simmons of KISS and John Cusack. Here's a link for any of you that are just curious or might like to come along. wizardworld.com.
Needless to say I Can't Wait! And my first con to boot. My costume is mostly borrowed from Nikki's amazing seamstress friend. I have my own boots, River's journal and sonic screwdriver and of course handcuffs. I'm even debating on curling my hair the night before so it's super curly like River Songs' (not River from Firefly...in case there was any confusion among my fandoms) I wish I could afford to meet them all. But Doctor number 10 won. Now if they get Smith and Capaldi too...i might have to spend too much.