Sunday, December 11, 2011

Experience Isn't Always Welcome

Friday, I got some bad news from a woman who is like a daughter to me and for the second time in a year, I am confronted with a tragedy that I can help with.  Her mother died suddenly, and nothing good comes from that.  Well maybe years later, something good can come....experience.  This is something I've lived through, and this is something I can help with.  I've talked to her every day since, told her what to expect so she won't think she's gone crazy.  For those of you that have experienced the loss of a parent, you will get this right away.  She listened through her tears, and I could tell she was taking notes in her head.

Notes about how not to be surprised when something wonderful happens and for a split second you can't wait to tell them, then you remember they are dead.  Or how you might wake up that morning and for a moment not remember they are gone....then it hits you....and before the sadness attacks you, you remember what happy felt like.  Or the dreams....dreams of you loved one trying to talk to you, you can't understand what they are saying or you can't hear them at all, but they are trying to talk to you....That one is probably the most unsettling...your subconscious mind telling you that they left before they could tell you everything they wanted.  Which I bet is universal.  Everyone always has something more they wished they'd shared with their children.  How introspective she is going to be for days....numb....not able to actually take care of to remember to eat, even if you're not hungry.  To let it all go and to actually grieve....take the time to remember, tell stories of them that made you smile.....Keep their memory alive, especially to people to young to remember, like her son.  How she will always feel her near her, and not just in times of stress, more so then, but not only.

I wanted to go to the funeral, but I can't be there with her.  The wake is today, and it's her birthday today.  And I thought it was bad that my mom died and the funeral was the day before Easter....but to have it be the day before my birthday, kind of puts a dark cloud on the celebration for a few years.

How do you wish someone a happy birthday on the day of her mothers wake?