Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Worst First Date Ever

I usually go out on this holiday, it can be more fun than New Year's Eve, but this year I was happy to stay home and celebrate alone. Friday was full of anticipation and ended in the worst first date ever, and Saturday was a perfect day, got some writing done, which hasn't happened in a long time, got some things done around the apartment, caught up on some tv shows, and spent precious little time with my hearts desire and have gaming to look forward to tonight with my group.

And yes I did hide up there that there was a first date on Friday night.  Was introduced by a mutual Pat Head friend after last months' Pat McCurdy concert when I was downtown with Crisis.  The guy was confident then, and I like that.  Made a move to ask me on a date, even though I was already on one with Crisis.  But because he is so young, and this guy, we'll call him Mr. Always Right.  The guy seemed nice enough when he approached me for a dinner date, and his killer line was, "I want to find out what's inside there."  pointing at my brain.  Write that one down guys, it works.  What woman isn't more interested when they want what's between your ears before what's between your legs?

Well life is busy and we both are plus my recent pneumonia and his flu and covering for sick people, kept us from the time for setting a dinner date, and we opted for drinks Friday night.  
Long story short, I found out that I'm getting much better at seeing the red flags on a guy.  Before I get invested.  I was interested because he is older than me.  What I found out was that he's close to retirement, doesn't want marriage again, but want's someone to see the world with so I need to get my passport in gear and pick a place.  He's been divorced for 12 years with an 11 year old daughter.  I wanted more information, to delve deeper into the why's to see what type of man his is, but his short answers seemed enough for him.  (warning number one....doesn't like details...I do)  He seemed cool still, and with it, but was not.  His concern was he was too old for me, and he was right. Not because of his actual age, about 14 years my senior, but because he was not still young minded, and I am much younger minded than my years on the planet.

The next thing to bother me was that while he talked a good game, he was not listening to any of my answers to the many questions about my life.  And therefore he was left to jump to conclusions.  Now my life is just like yours, full of special reasons why I don't fit into stereotypes.  And if you judge me on my short answers without listening to the stories of my life, you will not get inside my head or learn anything real about me or what's between my ears.  Which was the reason I came at all, and what I thought was his interest.
 Unfortunately he asked me the same questions many times....either too old to retain the answer or maybe thought the answer would change if asked over and over. I tend to believe the later and it worried me that he might have a controlling nature.

 Many other red flags popped up, like he seemed to want me to stop dating everyone in my life right now, just to date him.  Because as he put it,' I didn't know it yet, but I could stop looking'.  Odd how the lines that come out of a 60 year old are the same that come out of a 25 year old.  And because 'I didn't know it yet' is precisely why I wouldn't stop dating until i did, right?

Then there was the flag that he might want to change me other than my dating habits.  When he asked where I wanted to go for dinner I told him Diggers.  When he asked again he gave me a choice of Waterfront, or Piggy's.  To which I responded that I liked them both too, but since he had never been to Diggers and it's my favorite, we should try it.  He asked me this question three times, and I said Diggers each time.  He had to have heard me...so red flag.  This also happened with the bar choice for the date, to which he finally just chose the one he really wanted to go to.  Of course it was not a bar I'd ever been to, but new experiences don't scare me.  I welcome them.  (funny side story, ended up running into one of my Wednesday night trivia team, and my boss and his wife and a couple they were meeting....small world, and ended up being the best part of the date, even though there were only introductions...oops)

When it became apparent that I was not going to be swept off my feet by this guy on a drinks date, and when I was not responsive to giving up my life until several dates later, he just got up and left.  No goodbye, no guess we can just be friends, no have a nice night, no nothing....and it was another snap decision on his part.  quick to judge, quick to anger....(thank you RUSH) .  In his defense he called me right away from his car as I was leaving and didn't apologize but did say that he was concerned that I was dating a few other men, and still hoped dinner was on.  I told him that I'd still have dinner with him sometime, and left it at that.  It's not true, of course, and I never expect to hear from him again.  If he does  call I think I'll have to say, "Listen, I'll come to dinner as along as it's dutch and as along as I can meet you, because frankly I don't want to be stranded if you decide you don't like something I say and leave again."  There is a huge difference in being mature and old, or young minded and immature.

I felt for a first date his demands and opinions were a bit much.  Not to mention the facts that I really didn't get to find out if we have anything in common, which was my goal.  So I can only decide on the many things we don't have in common...oh did i mention that he's Lutheran (not that being Lutheran is a bad thing, I have many friends in this faith and it's one of the less pushy ones), thinks he's a great cook and plays the trumpet?  Sounds way too much like Mr. Selfish, my third husband....same church, same hobby, same controlling attitude.  I don't want to be someone's companion that is an agreeable kind of hired escort.  I want to be someone's partner in life.  And this guy, is not it.

Casting net into sea of fish....lets see what comes up this time.
Cheers