Sunday, May 27, 2012

Look It UP! And while you're at it Look UP!

ALONE:  CORE MEANING:  A grammatical word meaning without any other person or thing nearby
Sub Meanings:  Without help from others.  Without company.  Unique in some respect.  Done without others.

LONELY:  Feeling alone.  Isolated.  Without companionship or support. 

Hum....I thought I was alone and lonely....but by the definition of both words that is simply not true.  I am never alone, without help from others...or without any thing nearby....nor am i without support from family and friends both near and far.

Lets try something else...something perhaps more accurate.

WALLOWING:  Roll in something.  Indulge in something excessively.  Have a huge amount of something.  Walk with difficulty. 

DEPRESSION: Sadness. Psychiatric disorder.  Economic slump.  Reduced activity. Hollow.  Low pressure area.

Ah...that seems more accurate.  And when looking up the conditions, it made me actually laugh a bit...I had not considered every meaning of depression,and wallowing, and in my present situation, made me smile and realize that i am indeed in a low pressure area, with reduced activity, which has created my economic slump and made me sad, and of course I have a huge amount of this emotion and am indulging in it excessively, almost to the point of rolling around in it, which makes walking difficult.  :D

What ever gets you through it, right?  I'm glad I still have a sense of humor.  And perhaps in the next couple of weeks a job that will help pay my bills.  I feel like i hit a significant ledge in the pit I threw myself into...I'm not at the bottom, although it felt like that was where I was headed when I started to fall...but I can see, now that I've stopped falling, there is a long way to go before the bottom, can't even see it from this ledge....

But now I have stared to look up, to find a way out, instead of looking down longingly into the deceptive, quiet, and dark depths of the pit.  As I look up I can see a hand hold from where I tried to climb out on Wednesday night, but slipped.  I think I'll start there, and keep going this time.  Always looking up, and keep trying.  Because yesterday was a good day.  Because I got out of bed, and tried.  Things went right, only because I tried.  I'm no longer swimming...I'm climbing now.  But you know I was always better at climbing mountains than swimming anyway.