Sunday, May 6, 2012

A Rainy And Retrospective Weekend

The full moon this weekend was a super full moon.  Which means our moon was the closest it will be to Earth all year, and why the moon looked so much brighter and larger in the sky.  And it was beautiful.  I saw it briefly around 2 am on Friday and much earlier as I looked out my bedroom window on Saturday night.  It rained most of the and on, and when it was on... it was real rain.  Not just sprinkles, but enough to need an umbrella or a good pair of running shoes. :)

And this super full moon...a scorpion moon,  was in my romantic a cancer...whatever that means.  Well, it kind of means that if you are a cancer too, then you were in full out, fired up, romantic, do me moods.  And probably if left to your own devices got into or had the potential to get into a lot of trouble this weekend.  Guess what I did?

I stayed home.  LOL

Well, kind of.....on Saturday I stayed home...

I went to see The Adventures on midnight Thursday, and it was WONDERFUL!  Best Hulk EVER.  And Iron Man is still THE MAN!  Go Robert Downey, Jr.!  And as with trivia on Wednesday night, I was sober.  I had not had a drink all week since last Friday's misadventures.  And I hadn't missed it.  I thought I might because these friends I do drink with weekly.  But I had just as much fun sober.  That's a good sign, both for my ability to prove to myself that I can have fun without spending a lot of money or drinking all the time.  I've always been a social drinker.  And I wasn't sure I'd have as much fun or be as fun without it.  I was happily wrong.  And on Friday was with a friend who wanted to party, and said he'd even pick me up and bring me home so I could.  And I went, and only had 1 and half beers.  Reminded me of high school and cruising in the "Green Dragon"--"Hey, Bobby, Can you finish this beer for me?" -- And I had a blast, hanging out, watching movies and playing computer games.  So again I was able to stop hiding and beating myself up for my mistake and realize that while I was not drunk when arrested, I had violated a traffic law by not stopping until the light was green.  But to emotionally destroy myself for that mistake, from the embarrassment of arrest, is and was wrong.  After all this will hopefully all go away, and if it doesn't, while I don't believe in "a plan" and nothing is "meant to be", I will have to look at it as a learning experience.  As with all of my life journey.

With gaming tonight, I should see almost everyone I love this weekend...that I can see...those of you that know I love you and are far away, are excused. But with this powerful full super moon, in a romantic house I was well...see mood description above....Also a good reason for staying in on Saturday night...I realized something else.  With the always noticeable absence of my current romantic interest, I like my life, and myself.  While some may argue, that I'm being self destructive, I'm just having my 20's now....My single life that I denied myself in marrying so young, and staying married throughout my 20's and half of my 30's.  So while it may look like I'm being reckless and living dangerously at a time in my life when I should know better....try to remember what you were like in your 20's.  (my ex husbands are exempt because they are my age and well...were married to me then too, eh?)  And understand that I may be taking some chances and having some fun, but I also have more experience and brains because of that experience than I had in my 20's.  I just need to remember to USE said brains.