Friday night I had a once in a life time experience and it is not one I ever want to have again. The evening started off with a surprise birthday party for a friend on my trivia team and it was a great event. Lots of his friends coming and going, lots of free drinks and lots of great conversation and people watching. I had provided transportation for a mutual friend that was trying to not drink and drive....a lesson I should have payed more attention to.
As 12:30 am approached and we all started having visions of bacon and pancakes we decided to take a couple of cars to a local restaurant for some food. I, being more sober than my passengers, took the wheel with my usual confidence....over confidence as it turned out.
And on my way to said restaurant, my passenger that was trying to be good, reminded me that he wanted to go home. The light was red, and I had stopped, and nothing was coming so I proceeded. Like a stupid idiot, I broke the law. And within maybe five seconds more red lights and pretty blue ones, were in my rear-view mirror. A sight no one likes when sober, but everyone hates when slightly tipsy. Which I was.
The officer asked me the usual questions, where I had been, where I was going, and if I owned the vehicle. Then, the dreaded pause...and, the statement, not question, "step out of the car, miss"
You know it's bad when they call you miss when you are older. The birthday boy sighs, 'oh great.' and the passenger in the back, well, he is looking at me as if he is experiencing his worst nightmare all over again.
I felt almost like I was having an 'out of body experience' as I tried to pass the field sobriety test. And i did pretty well with the walking and the alphabet, and the following the finger with my eyes. I couldn't balance on one foot, but i have difficulty doing that sober anymore. Yoga is not my friend, and I was a bit surprised that my body was not responding like it use too. This is where the night starts to turn into a sit com. I kept thinking, 'I know I can do this if I try harder.' HA! The officer had to tell me the test was over. But I suddenly felt like Elaine in Sienfield. "No...I can do this". They smiled. You know that smile you give old people that you feel sorry for but kind of like. I knew then I obviously need to get back to a gym.
Then I got to give my first blow....on the breath test you dirty minded people. And then the movie turned into a Crime Drama, I actually heard the "bing-bing" sound from that CSNY or whatever show it is. You know the sound. As the officers, all three of them, crowded around my tests talking together in whispers.
Then one of them came over to me, actually the cutest one, and said, "put your hands behind your back" and they cuffed me. I have to admit that was HOT. And led me away from my friends who were looking at me from the windows of my car like stranded puppies at the pet store that no one wanted. My heart went out to them, as the remaining two officers got them out of my car, grabbed my purse and parked my car in a safe place. I believe they also got my friends a taxi, but I'm not too sure on that. As we approached the squad car, my movie in my head suddenly turned to porn as the officer said the best line of the night. "Can you lean up against my car and spread your legs?" (Oh BOY! CAN I!)
Now for those of you that know me personally I know you can see the expression that crossed my face and you also know that it took EVERY OUNCE of my self control NOT to cock off, at this point. This is why I need an attorney, so that does not come out in court. For as my best friend said to me when I told her this story, "Your Honor, may I respectfully tell the court that this lady actually has a real sense of humor." So rare in this day in age, but true, I do. And someday it will either get me burned at the stake, shot, or in jail. So biting my tongue I did as I was told, for the next hour and a half, I answered questions, did breath tests, and actually made the officers laugh and was talking politics with them. They are as afraid of the presidential choices as me, but that's another blog. And here is where my movie changed again from porn back to Seinfield, as only me and Jerry could get away with sit com in handcuffs.
While all this was going on my drunk friends were texting some more sober than us and one sober one that had been with us, and my phone, in my purse, in the hallway, was exploding with texts from said friend. The officers noticed and smiled at me, knowing my network of friends was already alerted to my situation and on their way to help. I love them. And would mention them, but I don't name drop in my blog. They 'officially' told me I could call on my cell as many people as I needed to to get a ride, or just let them know when to expect the one that was texting. And I did, and well, they came! As promised, and I was never happier to see the three of them in my life. They were so nice, to take me to my car and drive my car home for me, at 3 in the morning.
Now this is public record in my state, so I'm not hurting my case or saying anything that I won't be telling my boss tomorrow. This is also the first time in my life I have ever been caught for anything and arrested so I was scared, and I still am about what may happen. I will tell you, that I was not at the legal limit for arrest, below it actually. I think this is why the officers let me go with a sober ride, instead of making me stay there over night. And because this was my first offence...on anything. I'm obviously not a reckless person in the laws eyes. But I am in my own now. Did you feel that shift?... I did. But I was glad that my movie changed from porn to Sienfield. Oh and the other Sienfield moment, might come on my court date, because now two of us have the same court day and we were both rescued by the same people, so I can see them, in court that morning, with a bucket of popcorn and a bag of twizzlers watching the drama with great big smiles.
Now I'm hiding. I'm afraid I'm being watched all the time. I see cops everywhere now. And I KNOW it's just me being paranoid, but it still feels like a Sienfield moment. I know I need to be more careful and smarter. This was a good thing, as far as wake up calls go. And believe me, if your intent is to comment as if you were my parent and 'beat me up' verbally, go for it. I've already done more damage there than you ever could. I'm much harder on myself than I am on you, as a child, friend or lover. Remember that....in whichever category you happen to fall into in my life. But if you want to comment with support or advice, please also go for it.
Let me take this opportunity topublicaly thank my wonderful network of friends both that night/morning, and the real morning after three hours of sleep, when the concerned, "what happened?" texts and instant messages came from concerned friends regarding my facebook stauts. The friends from Pat concerts that cared were unexpected and so welcomed. I have been blessed with more caring and loving hearts then I knew I had. And for those of you that are angry right now that I didn't personally share this with you, when you also may have missed my status or thought, if it's important she will tell me....well, I guess you know now that I don't always talk about things that are going on...with everyone. Some things are hard to talk about without someone asking first. And with a few of you, well, I just trust you so completely that I had to tell you. And while that same group thinks I should get out and have some fun this weekend, with a driver, of course. I just am not ready to be out around people, even all of you that love me and care. I just am too embarrassed that I made this stupid mistake. Not just disobeying the traffic law, that was just dumb and impatient. But more importantly getting behind the wheel when I knew I was questionable. This will not happen again. (I can't say never, because I know what happens when you say never....Fate is a bitch about that.)
So if you are disappointed in me after reading this, you are not alone, I am too. And with time and talking to the attorney, I'll feel better about myself. Let this be a lesson to you. They can ticket and arrest you for being buzzed, not legally drunk, it happened to me. Be smart, and careful.
Oh and as a side note, I think this proved my oft heard statement that my kids saved my life. Getting married and pregnant young made me stop this kind of behavior while I raised them. So I guess I need to either get married and have more kids so I am responsible, or hook up with someone with kids already that I can help raise...hum...I like that idea better somehow.
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