Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Surprises

Hello Sunday!  And hello playmates.  I am happily surprised at how the week went.  First up this week again is Mr. Charisma.  An impromptu date earlier in the week with some of my favorites, wine, cheese, conversation, movies and cuddling.  I'm not use to being swept off my feet, (only Mr. Hopeful has achieved that in recent years), and this new attention is most welcome and surprising. The evening started with us trying to decide what movie to watch, my assignment was to pick one I wanted him to see that had an effect on me.  I had a short list, and then narrowed it down to three that he hadn't seen that I was in the mood for, (look them up on www.imdb.com if you are curious.)  Sliding Doors, Chocolate and The Philadelphia Story.  Sorry Johnny Depp, but with, Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart AND Katheryn Hepburn in the mix it was The Philadelphia Story hands down.  And he was as pleased that I choose the classic.  We have been texting a lot and trying to get to know each other on a more human level, and every layer we uncover we find we have much in common.  This bodes well for a long lasting friendship when (if) the passion dies down.  As the movie started...... we really did try to watch the movie.

(APPLYING TMI FILTER NOW....you will be directed to appropriate blogging information following this frustrating interruption of my intimate life....in  three.
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....it was good movie and a very satisfying evening together, just goes to show you that I can be very happy with 5 or 6 uninterrupted hours together.   He checked in with me yesterday to get on my calender for next week already.  That's an interested man.  And I am very interested to be on this particular journey.

The very next day, Mr. Practical made for the coast for three day/two night escape with his wife.  Much needed for them both.  And I'm actually more happy for him and his real life...wait a minute, I'm real...his practical life, than I am any other of my A-Team.  That Guy squeaks in a close second.  I enjoy being a sounding board for them, and while I didn't have any time for That Guy last week, we did check in on line to be sure we were both still swimming.

And then there was the big date, yes Mr. Hopeful came through, and yes I was very happy to see him, and yes he was full of surprises, most of which I can't talk about.  He was just as romantic as Mr. Charisma.  He also brought drinks, and some toys and a very honest and heartfelt cd he had created for us of how he's been feeling.  I'd made him one last fall, and he responded in kind.  And while I thought I knew how he felt, it means so much to my heart to know I was right.  And as pathetic as it sounds, it will keep him in my heart and mind on those cold, long, winter nights at are fast approaching.  I can't stop listening to it.

I believe the second surprise went something like this:  "And the best part about this is you can't blog about it...'The Anticipation'...I'm sure Mr. Practical loves reading about himself as much as I do."....then he mumbled....did he mention Mr. Charisma already....and huff a bit?  hum.  I'm not sure, but it was there, a flash of jealousy about their existence and about my writing about my life.  I just smiled and reminded him as gently as I could that I actually know what Mr. Practical thinks as he's usually the first to weigh in on my blog.  And Mr. Hopeful is not the first lover to try to edit what I post.  Fortunately I'm use to his nature and this did not ruin our evening, for it's almost impossible for us to be in the same room and not touch each other.


(APPLYING TMI FILTER NOW....you will be directed to appropriate blogging information following this frustrating interruption of my intimate life....in  three.
....two....
....one))

The only regret I have about this night is in the amount of stimulants that he wants and needs.  I could have made the night much more memorable if he had trusted my limits.  This was a surprise too, this one action of force, made me feel more like a purely sexual object... a toy....rather than what I know I am....and I had waited for this night for so long, and hoped I could make it a positive memory for us both, and now when I think back on it, I realize how much in control he is of our time together.  How afraid I am to upset him, for fear he will storm out of my life.  How much I want to please him.  How far I'm willing to go to make him happy.  It's a scary revelation.  And one I'm becoming very familiar with.  I've always known I have submissive traits...but if anyone can dominate me, truly, it is him.  And while this journey is much more frustrating than the rest, I find myself so addicted to him, that I long for our next meeting, instead of running for the hills.  

I guess this week has taught me one thing very clearly.  Mr. Hopeful is right, I do deserve better than this.  I do deserve more than any of my A-Team is willing or able to give me.  (although I must say, Mr. Charisma is leading the pack in consistent dating..so far one night every week since we met...that's major, but also he has proven to me, doable.  And guess what?  He's got almost the same distractions as Mr. Hopeful)  And yet, I am happy single.  I am happy sharing, and getting what I hope to be 'the best of both worlds'.  I enjoy being their Mistress....does this mean they are all my Masters?  hum...not sure on the technicality of that, but I kinda like it.  ;)  

And as tired and dare I say it, sore, as I was yesterday, today I am ready for more 'fun and fuckery', as the saying goes.  Maybe that's the real issue on my inability to commit to one man.  I've never found one man that can keep up with my real sexual energy, and my real lust for life and experiences.  Maybe, I need all of them to keep me entertained, and no one man can do it.  I think I'll go with that reasoning.  It's "Jill-logical".

Cheers.