Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Anticipation

Without a doubt the theme for this weeks blog is anticipation.  There are so many definitions to anticipation.  I'll try my best to make my point by my usual story examples.  Here we go, try to keep up.

Its been a busy week in the romance/sex department, and for some reason I really do feel like a siren, or a muse.  It all started on Monday when Mr. Hopeful had to cancel our big date, again on Friday night.  We've only been planning for weeks, and this was the third cancel in a row.  Makes a girl wonder.  The anticipation here is one of more disappointment flavored with renewed but cautious expectation...This is the uphill part of the emotional roller-coaster that is Mr. Hopeful.  And if you know me you know I LOVE roller-coasters and the uphill hope is always well worth the wait of the down hill thrill of being with him again.  This is not just any date.  Anticipation.

The next form is That Guy who took up the slack on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night after trivia.  He keeps me busy, primarily in my mind, which as a writer I really do love to live in.  My mind is a warm and sensual place, for the most part.  But see, That Guy likes to push my limits to the edge of where I think I will go....mentally.  The physical is in my control, because he never touches me or my inserted toys.  It's all about control, and this week I had tried something I'd never done before, publicly  and it turned out to be a very sensual experience, and no one touched me, and no one knew....well, he knew.  And I know he wants to touch me, but the fact that he doesn't makes it even more exciting and intimate somehow.  Anticipation.  

Then there was Friday night, and...wait for it....The Return Of Mr. Charisma.  It even sounds like porn.  (shakes head smiling)  This one is really my emotional match in the flirting department and that is so much fun.   Really.  Its liberating.  Reminds me of my first husband, before he came out, while he was married to me and we were still childless with no intent or plans on that.  Footloose and fancy free.  It's fun to know I can be out with Mr. Charisma and be all over him one minute, or him all over me as it's more likely to be; and all over another man or several men as the evening progresses, and it wouldn't bother him a bit.  He'd still show up to escort me out of there, safely home with him, much to the surprise of the rest of the men.  FUN!  And no one really gets hurt.  Because see, that's a woman's question, that men never ask me....."are you with him?"...or "are you seeing anyone?"  Women ask that a lot more than men.  Curious.  But it fit my needs perfectly that men don't ask it.  See, they don't ask it because they don't want to know, and have that information maybe change their course.  And that's the same reason I don't ask it.  Its amazing how many of you don't wear your rings out.  But out with him or in with him, is a very sensual experience and, well, we dance well there as well.  I have a funny feeling we are both still holding back our A Games as we know, we have lots of time to explore, why rush it.  Anticipation.

And then there was last night and Mr. Practical, who texted me while I was at one of my 'beer-kids' houses partying and catching up on her life.  I had and have been on him (hehehe) to finish his chapter for months.  MONTHS I tell you!  It's hard to be his editor/muse and try to help keep him motivated when he fights himself as much as I do.  And he finished it!  FINALLY.  I couldn't wait to get home and read it.  Just finished my second path through it, and I can't wait to give him feedback.  This is proof that I fight it more than he does, since I haven't written in MONTHS....either....and I've thought about it, but I am kind of afraid to go back to it.  The first draft is done, I'm fighting myself on finishing the second draft.  And the reason, I think, is because I'm in chapters now that I wrote while very in love with Mr. Practical.  And, well, see, we buried all that in a big chest, and put huge chain links around it, and padlocked them on, just to be safe.  And then we put it in a closet in the bedrooms of our minds (WOW...does that sound like a Simon and Garfunkel song to anyone else?...The Bedrooms of Our Minds....)....and then we locked that door and put a tapestry over it, so we can't even see the door, and hung lots of tapestry so we can't see even where it might have been....So, yeah.  We are trying to be really good and so far we have been for a year now.  We've had some minor, flirtatious events on line, purely in our heads again...not even on video....being good.  We've saved so much of us, and happily are in a very honest and loving place.  That took much emotional intensity to achieve.  And neither of us is willing to give that up.  If I am honest, I am afraid that if I dive too deeply back into that novel, I might remember where that tapestry is.  Anticipation.  

Saturday night was a double header.  (I crack myself up!)  Because Mr. Hopeful was more attentive than he has been in a long time, on line.  And seriously planning on our rescheduled date.  I actually believe it is going to happen this time.  I know he does, he's 'stocking up' on 'things we need'.  I anticipate my collection of toys and/or costumes is about to increase.  Experimental nature, so attracted.  So well met in temperament in this area, among many others, we are well matched.  Without a doubt he is the most sensual experience of my life.  I know that when I look at him, its a look of hunger.  I know others have seen that look too, but not before they touch me.  Anticipation.