Sunday, May 26, 2013

Needed vs Needy

Discovering that I'm needed is probably more meaningful and necessary to my healing process than knowing I'm loved.  I know that being needy has had a negative meaning attached to it, and I'm quite aware that I'm needy when in love.  Many might say that I get obsessed with the man I love and want to wrap him up into my life and include him in every facet.  No matter what my friends or family may think, and even to the point of neglecting those same friends and family in favor of spending time with him.  And I believe that this observation is very correct.  I also see nothing wrong with it.  When two people are in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together, they do.  It just happens.  It might seem like a sudden change to everyone around them, but to them it is a necessary and completely rational thing to do.  Family and friends might feel slighted, and or left behind.  They may even say things that they don't mean to let you know that you are missed and that they notice that something important has changed in your life.  These things may not always come out as kind and loving as they feel, for their feelings may be hurt at the thought that they could be left behind.  However that is not what is happening.  It is just the first blush of love, and that indescribable feeling that you want to share everything you are with the other person you love.  The more deep and interesting and well versed you are in subjects and passions the longer this can take.  For truly discovering someone takes a life time.  And while you may miss the time you use to spend alone, or with friends and family, you begin to understand that the person you most want to share everything with, the the person that is right beside you.  That kind of need becomes addictive.  That kind of love and acceptance becomes the thing that makes you stronger, and keeps you going when times are tough and friends can't be found.  The knowing that the one person that loves you the most, needs you the most, is just as obsessed and needy for you as you are for them, is the best feeling that comes with love.  Its important to understand that these feelings are mutual, and therefore positive.

Never feel  bad about being needy, because needing to be with your hearts desire is what love is all about.  So if your partner complains that he or she never gets any time alone, or that you are too needy and clingy and they can't find time to see all the people in their life that they want to.  Step back and really look at how much love is in this relationship.  Because a man or woman that really loves you, wants to spend as much time as possible with you, and share with you everything that happens to them, when you can't be together.  They never need to escape you.  When we don't get this kind of mutual togetherness in a relationship we secretly long for it, and in some cases make up reasons why it's ok that we aren't getting it.  Excuses like, "it's not normal to want to spend so much time together"  or  "you are suffocating me" or  "I need to spend time with my friends/family" or the real big one...."I need some space."  For me, I want to share my love with my friends and family, so I don't miss either.  And in the words of the immortal Gorge Carlin, "If you need a little space, then go the fuck outside!"

I'm happy that I am finally in a relationship that seems needy to everyone around us, because it's healthy and proves how much we love each other.  We are our first choice and everyone that really loves us and has experienced this level of love, is happy for us.  For they understand.  The others, may never.  But if and when they do, they will also share our our joy as we will share theirs.  For true happiness is contagious.  And  jealousy is when you know something you want is missing from your life.

Cheers