Sunday, March 9, 2014

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Yesterday Google said it was International Women's Day.  Never heard of that one, but as a woman, I took advantage of it.  Yesterday, Second Daughter and I rode the train to The Loop and downtown Chicago.  My first time there as a resident, just shopping.  We were on an errand to find her waterproof boots and some clothes, so it wasn't window shopping, but real hunting shopping.  She knew exactly where she wanted to go and we hit both stores, with a side trip for me to the gourmet popcorn shop.  Yummy.  I feel more like a resident and not still a visitor now that I've had the Chicago mix.  LOL,  I like the caramel better than the cheese, and, yes I did eat them both together like a native.  We didn't find her boots at DSW but we did find some clothes at Old Navy (three stories of clothes!)  I enjoyed seeing all the big shiny buildings.  I guess First Daughter and I will always have this in common.  I took several pictures, most from the train,  and posted them for her.

I miss my hangout time with First Daughter, and so while I was downloading a couple of episodes of Hannibal, I texted her and suggested that maybe we could watch Scandal together after I was done catching up on Hannibal.  And to my surprise she said that she would watch them both with me.  So we did.  Yelling at the screen, via text, to each other, made her feel closer to me.  And I enjoyed the shows so much more with her presence.  It felt like home.  And made my sadness of missing her evaporate.  I'm looking forward to gaming this afternoon via google hangouts with all my kids and gaming friends tonight.  I miss their faces.

Settling in here has been very smooth.  I'm starting to feel more mobile with the mass transportation, and wonder why I even have a car.  Although it comes in handy when grocery shopping, or buying lots of stuff.  But I can see how I could survive here without a car. And I am looking forward to that time.  Although it is the gypsy in my soul that is happy I can fit all my personal belongings into it, right now.

My dreams are stressful, but peppered with celebrities so still make me smile in the morning, sometimes even laugh.  When I look up the meanings, I realize that I still need to have that series of difficult conversations with myself regarding Mr. Hopeful.  And I am hoping to chat with him soon, but I'm not holding my breath.  I feel very cut off from him now, but I felt very cut off from him during my year with Mr. Charisma, so nothing has really changed.  Except my heart.  The ability to move on and actually leave my home must mean that I'm close to being done with him.  At least that's what I tell myself.  And if I have to convince myself of something then it's probably bullshit.

How can you miss someone you don't have?  How can you love someone that doesn't love you back? Isn't that really just in love with the idea of love?  I'm just not sure, but I used to feel that you can't love someone that doesn't love you.  Now I feel that it doesn't really matter what the other person doesn't change my heart.  They say, 'time heals all wounds', but I'm not so sure about that either.  I think now, that time just makes you forget.  Or go a little numb with the absence of the other heart you love.  But that it can be rekindled in a moment, with a kiss.  I'm such a hopeful romantic.  Probably if the truth were known, more hopeless than hopeful.  But as She of Little Combat Boots once told me, "I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way."  (nice lyric too).  And I agree with her.  So I'm going to nurture my romantic heart and try not to get bitter over losing in love so many times in my life.

So raise your cups of coffee with me and toast me to a new life in Chicago.  I feel like the lead in Company...But I'm not really ready....maybe I can sing it as I'm almost ready.