Sunday, June 7, 2015

Forgiving And Fogetting Are More Difficult Than You Think

I'm almost done with The Dragon Reborn, a book by Robert Jordan, its my third trip to the world of the Two Rivers.  With determination I am going to make it through all the books until the end this time.  It's like coming home to a familiar friend, reading these again.  It reminds me of gaming with old friends from the bluffs in Wisconsin, and lost love.

My favorite quote from it almost caused an argument with one of those old friends the other day.  I mentioned it and he said it's the same thing.  And I couldn't believe he didn't see how it wasn't.  So I decided it was blog worthy. 

The quote is this:  "...but the biggest difference is this.  Men forget, but they never forgive; women forgive, but never forget."

I found that quote to be simple in its profound accuracy about the way men and women think.  It made almost every argument that I've had with the opposite sex somehow validated, clearer, to an almost understanding.  In case you feel the same as my friend let me try to shed some light on it.

Think of a marriage as a balloon full of water.  The water is trust and the balloon is the vow.  And a pin as the other woman or man depending on your point of view and for this example its a hetrosexual couple.  So the pin comes and pops the balloon.  The man, will forget the pin, but he'll never forgive the balloon for not being stronger, not being able to hold the water under pressure and the balloon for popping.  He'll always think that there was a reason that the balloon didn't hold up and he'll look for that reason, usually putting the blame on the woman or himself.  The woman will forgive the balloon for not being stronger, and for not holding the water but she will never forget the pin.  And she'll bring up all pins in the future.  And look funny at every pin and wonder, will this pin come and destroy my patched up balloon?  And that works for her being the one that cheated or the one cheated on.  She will either never trust herself around pins or her husband around pins depending.  While the man will not trust the patch job of the balloon, if the balloon wasn't strong enough in the first place its highly unlikely that the patch will not hold, better to get a new balloon. 

I could go on and on but I think you get it.  It's not the same.  The only similarity is the balloon is broken.  They just see the reasons for the break as being very different, and hence why arguments on this subject can be so passionate.  Maybe if we tried to see each others point of view more often or at least question each other more, we might see each other as humans instead of ideals.  And truly be able to forgive and forget.