The hardest part about living alone is being bored. Especially if you have anxiety or depression. I used to suffer a lot from both, now its very rare if ever that my anxiety gets so high that it brings about a depression. It's taken me many, many years to get to this point. And if you suffer from it too, the best advice I can give you, you aren't going to like.
First of all, even if you don't want to do physical harm to yourself or others, get professional help. No there is no magic pill that will cure you. But there are meds out there that will help you cope while you figure out why you are so filled with anxiety and depressed. So get that help. Anyway you can. It helped me greatly not only to have the meds but be in a group of people feeling the same issues. I felt less insane. And more like a strong person who was just tired of being strong.
Second, and this is the hard one. Do the work on yourself. Really think about why you are so worried and keyed up about small stuff. And big stuff. Or why the small stuff turns into big stuff. Face your anger. Face your fear. Yoda's words are true ones. Living with an unhappy life can bring about boredom and that is a killer. Because if you are bored you are in your own head too much and that's where the worry and anxiety comes from. Too much of the fear we all carry around can lead that anxiety into a full blown panic attack. Which can paralyze you with unrealistic and irrational fear. But it's totally real. It feels real and it keeps you locked up in your home and in your mind. My mom used to say "Always be prepared for the bad stuff." (anxiety) My dad used to preach "Don't sweat the small stuff, but all the stuff is small stuff." (depression) . The voices in your head aren't always there to help. Learn how to tone them down and listen when necessary not 24/7. And breathe. Breathing really does help.
Third, acquire a lot of hobbies. I mean a shit ton. I love movies, books, knitting (new one) writing, going for walks, chatting with friends, meditation, yoga works too although I'm lazy, and ten years after really noticing how worried I was about everything, I can add that going out for a nice meal alone. There is so much to do and so much information at our finger tips, find something that makes you feel alive and accomplished. Do something to stir your soul.
Fourth and this is a heart-breaker, you must, MUST cut out the people in your life that make you feel less than the wonderful and the great person you are. You cannot accept any passive aggressive types or narcissistic lovers. They will break you faster than you can. Because they can't be real with their own emotions or feelings so they don't trust yours. And you are back at square one. After my third divorce I fell into a group of people I thought were my friends. I actually did meet two of my best friends in that era and they happily married each other and are still close to me. The rest it took me over twenty years to finally find the strength to accept the fact that they weren't really honest friends of mine. Just people to keep me from being alone and people that I could let out my life's anger at from the real reasons that depressed me or caused me anxiety. Unfortunate for us all. Had we met now, we might have become real friends.
And last, try to surround yourself with people that really get you. That you don't need to be constantly trying to explain to them what you meant or what you feel. If they know you at all they know what you are capable of and how wrong their assumptions are before they voice them. Accusations, especially ones that aren't founded in fact, can take you back to anxiety (what did i do wrong? why am i not good enough?) and depression (why doesn't he love me? why didn't he choose me?) All of this is self hate talk. What you should be saying to people that make you feel this way is goodbye.
Cheers
No comments:
Post a Comment