Something is just around the corner, I can feel it. Something big is about to happen. I don't know what it is but something is about to shake up everything. Maybe its because I've been so sick for the past four days and I was hoping to be getting better on my own. You see I don't like to go to the doctor, and while I have all these symptoms, I'm still sure he will say, you have the flu, go home and rest. Fortunately I can afford to just stay in bed and rest right now, so I am, but I hate to be sick. It's so boring, and my mind works overtime. Of course when I'm sick my mind slows way down and it can't jump to conclusions as quickly as my healthy self can.
Take for example last night. I was sick, in bed, and on line looking forward to my usual Saturday night of chatting with friends, and not one of them was around. Not even the ones that are working or can't sleep. Was strange. It was as if everyone finally got to sleep or got that night off and were actually out enjoying life. Where I was stuck in bed coughing up a lung and feeling so weak that I can hardly move. So I felt a little sorry for myself that there was no one around to entertain me. And no one wants to come over and take care of someone so sick. There is a risk there that I completely understand. No one wants to catch this. It sucks. But I did miss my on line friends last night.
I suppose it's more than that too. Some of my relationships are almost completely on line, and I miss them when their schedules change and they don't show up like normal. Or technical issues prevent them from communicating. I hate technical issues. Because you can never know they are technical issues until you can get to a different piece of technology and let someone know you're having issues. Humans, we really are creatures of habit. This break in habit without warning, sets my spider-sense off, and makes me wonder what's changed, or changing. Makes me look to the horizon with dread at what may be coming. I hope in my illness I'm overreacting, looking for the worst instead of trusting in my friends and family. You see I have some major trust issues. lol oh well, at least I know they are there, and they stop me from overreacting...usually. :)
I almost wish I was a little bit sicker so that the doctors would give me something. No I take that back, I'm hoping that because I ache all over, STILL, and am stuffed up and coughing up stuff, finally, that I'm on the mend and things are moving around. But for a cold, this one has been a dozy. And while I miss the company of my friends and family, I have to admit that I'm not very good company myself right now....I can't even think, I can only remember. And this is a special time of remembering for me. Oscar Sunday, 2010, pizza and meeting one of the most important relationships in my life. Has it been two years already? Time flies.
No comments:
Post a Comment