Never Say Never - It just tempts Fate

Thunder storms are one of the most romantic sounds I know, and last night my dreams must have been effected by them.  I was rewarded with the most wonderful dream of him, here beside me.  Cuddled together in my gynormous bed....we barely need use half of it.  In the dreams I can see him so vividly, and remember his touch so accurately, that when I awake, I'm surprised I'm not still kissing him.  The pale muted light that colors everything here a tone of gray further blankets my emotions and I fall blissfully back to sleep to miraculously continue dreaming of us.  Only now we are in public and can't stop touching each other...

A secret desire  manifest full blown in my subconscious?  Perhaps.  I've had this dream before.  It's familiar to me.  It's why I remember so much of it, repetition.  I've looked up the symbolization enough to know what it means.  I've actually had this dream with different partners, at different times in my life.  So while this may seem like a wonderful dream to you, to me it is both, euphoria and despair.  For me it means that I might not be breaking the patterns that I think I am.  Which is not growth.  And you know I'm a huge fan of growth.
That's what I know.

What I can't deny?
I'm happy.
I really am.
I know I shouldn't be.
I know I don't deserve to be.
I know I don't deserve you.
I know you will never be mine.
I don't care, because I love you.
I can't choose whom I love.
I can't turn off what I feel.
I won't wait.
I won't disappear.
I will be here.

Everything gets very clear when what you can't deny is also what you know.  Like for me, right now.  It all becomes not only what you know, but who you are.  It's almost like you can hear the chink as another piece of who you are is realized in your ego.  And that is growth!  And that is change.  And that is always good.  Even if it makes things seem more difficult, in reality they just got easier.

Live who you are, and what you know.  It's really all you can do.  Stop fighting with yourself over who you are, and just embrace who you are, as you grow and change.  We've heard it all before, life is a journey.  Don't be a passenger in your own life, be the driver.  Live.  Love.  Laugh.  Its a beautiful day to be alive!