I'm finding it difficult to stay focused on anything this morning, I should be studying up on topics for my jobs, cleaning the apartment, or at least writing on my novels. I should be opening my Word documents, my second drafts and trying to put something together to finish my them and get them published. They used to seem so important to me, so necessary to get my thoughts on the page and out there...to entertain others with my stories. Now the characters in my head seem to be unusually silent, and sullen. As if they are all sitting on bar stools with their arms folded across their chests, refusing to talk to me anymore until they are served. And I'm the harried bartender, racing behind the bar, trying to serve them all so I can hear what they have to say, and perhaps make it into a story worth telling. When the words were flowing, the chatter around the bar was a din so loud I could hardly keep my attention on the character speaking, and now that they are silent...now that I've ignored them for a year, and refused them equal time in my life....their silence is more of a din then their voices ever were. I sigh, and wish it could be otherwise. But all the things I should be doing today, I feel I won't be doing.
My mind is a million miles away, still in his arms, still feeling his touch as he comes up behind me to hold me and kiss my neck, hello. I fit so nicely in his arms, and melt so completely against his body, his touch sending waves of passion and complete trust through me. It's a very difficult place to leave, and so today, with everything else I should be doing, I know I will be here, basking in the wonderful feeling of a Bangover. Dreaming and reliving the moment until the next moment comes.
I shouldn't be up this early, I got home after midnight and lay in bed thinking of him as I blissfully fell asleep, and a short 5 hours later I awoke with the same smile on my face. I should be tired, but i'm not. I feel alive, desired, loved, sore, needed, content...these are feelings that I want more of, on a daily basis. And who wouldn't, right? That's a no-brainer. And since I can't have that, I'm going to bask in what I can have, for as long as I can. Sighing in bliss. This is not a sad thing, this is joy. And joy is a feeling that as humans, we just don't allow ourselves enough of. Love and joy should be something we experience everyday, something we demand to have to be happy. Scientifically it really is, you know? A person that doesn't get enough hugs or human touch gets bitter, cynical, and jaded. I'd rather be blissful and smiling and knowing that I am loved and can love.
See that's the real win...knowing you are loved and can love. Knowing that no matter what you have been through, what difficulties of the heart you have experienced, the act of expressing love, sex, can cure what ails you. Can change your outlook on yourself in an instant, can boost your confidence and ego, and when love is in the mix, can work miracles.
If you are reading this and there is someone you love near you, grab them, and hold them. If you are alone make a call, or get out there and meet someone to share your joy with. For life is short, and waiting will only accomplish a wasting of time and regrets. Live life and love. It really is the best advice.