I'm finding it difficult to put into words this morning, what I was feeling last night. I'm sure we've all been there before. Having such a great time, and knowing you should document it, with pictures or words or something, but being in such a euphoric mood that you find it not only impossible to listen to this voice but know in retrospect your minds eye will be more than enough to capture every memory. In fact a mere camera couldn't do it justice. When in an altered state the world becomes beautiful again, every leaf of every tree screaming out to be noticed, as they shimmer in the breeze. Something they do all the time, but we seldom take the time to notice. Yesterday, I took the time. All day, and into dusk, I let myself just be in the moment, and let nature and life surround and wash over me. I didn't worry. I didn't think about the future or what may be in store for me. I didn't worry about my kids, or my friends or my love, or my lovers. That's not to say that I didn't think about those people that I love, I did. They crossed my mind many, many times during the day, but the images that flashed before me were all happy ones. None of the images born in fear. All images born in love. This made all the difference and is something that I wish I could do in a sober state as effectively as the altered state of the day. But alas, not possible for a mind that thinks too much and has experienced too much to believe that things can turn out for the best. See as much as I'd like to believe I'm a positive person, I'm really kind of a pessimist. I tell myself it will all work out so that I can get out of bed and try, but I don't really believe it or I wouldn't worry so much. So the trick is, how do you get that relaxed and 'just let it go, man' feeling into a sober world? It's kind of hard, but I think with practice, remembering how good it feels, and lots of breathing, it might be able to be done. Its a new goal. And I'm going public with it so I can monitor it. It's a big goal for me, but one I think I need to learn. Yesterday was an enlightening day on many levels, I always see a lot, hear a lot, and learn more than I usually wish to learn in these field trips, and they don't come around often....the last field trip I took like this was in 1994...Ah the summer of 1994...what a great field trip that was.
Yesterday was fun from the beginning watching movies to the middle hiking in the woods and back to the end of food and conversation, even later when we all split up and went our separate ways, it was fun being alone with a bottle of wine and some dark chocolate, and chatting with Mr. Practical, long distance. This is an area we do not have in common, yet I think he saw the humor in my stories of the day, and I didn't really get to tell him much. Unfortunately for one in our group, his day ended much sooner than ours, as there was a misunderstanding between himself and his love. That kind of thing is a real buzz kill, and as serious as I'm sure their discussion was, I hope he could hold it together and not make it worse, in his altered state. Them's the breaks with this...it's an honest state if you just let it be, and not fight it. There were many jokes and we were a lot funnier to ourselves then I'm sure we would have been to anyone else, but the best quote of the day had to be the most Freudian as well. Before our hike, and knowing the importance of letting someone know when you are out like this, instead of safe at home, I suggested that he leave a note for his love, and he said, with a very sarcastic look on his face, "I just texted her. Come on it's the 90's!" At which point, I responded, without missing a beat and with an equally sarcastic expression, but totally catching him in his silp, "Really? FAR OUT! I'll take the 90's back, I'm 30 again! How about 94-96?" You should have seen his face,when he realized his blunder....the 90's wow....
Lets all try to relax more....Cheers
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