Sunday, August 26, 2012

That Drifting Feeling

Don't you hate it when you can feel that you are losing track of someone, that someone is drifting from your life, and you can't do a thing about it?  You know what I'm talking about too, I know you do.  That nagging feeling that cramps your gut in knots, and forces your eyebrows together in a frown of concern.  You know all the emotions by heart and in order that are going to hit, but you don't care, you keep going.  You keep caring, you keep showing up because it's all you can do.  Even though you know you're going to be disappointed again.  Even though you know that disappointment is what they do best.  I've got a particular group of friends that this description fits to a tee.  They were a close knit group,  however time and fate split them up, and now the factions are distant acquaintances at best and suspicious nemesis at worst.  It has always been a fascinating group to watch and be involved in, although I learned years ago not to invest any real feelings with them, as they tend to disappoint me every time I try.  This is not the first group of long term friends I've watched decompose.  And I bet you are the same way.  I just bet you never looked at it this way before.   But think back to your best friends in high school.  I bet they aren't your best friends anymore, are they?  Bet you might not even know where they are anymore.  And if you do know them today, I bet they are closer to Facebook friends than real friends.

Don't get me started on electronic friends/lovers, or any of that shit.  Yes I know I'm backdated...I should be, I'm not a kid anymore, and you will be too, no matter who you are or how current you try to stay.  I know that electronic communication is not only the future but the fucking present.  And while I've been able to assimilate with the best of them, better than most my generation, I still miss daily hanging out, chilling, partying, listening to music, gaming cruising, bon fires, camping, socializing in all the ways that made the weekends more fun....IN PERSON.  I don't understand how or why this electronic replacement took over.  Not really.  It's not a very good replacement for genuine face to face, hand to hand combat, as it were.  Did I say combat?  I meant communication.  hehehe....or did I.  You know that is harder electronically as well, a good debate turns into trolling, or hating on line.  You know why?  You can't see their face, hear their tone or really know if what they are saying to you is real with real feeling attached.  You know why it bothers you?  Because then when you have a great conversation on line, say even a sexual project.  You project your emotions on top of what you are reading, and you 'hear' in your head what you want to hear.  You give up the physical and emotional back up of having this person in front of you and seeing their eyes, smile, body language to back up your intellectual input of the exchange of information.

Why do we do this?  It's not more efficient, it's just the opposite.  Are we really this rushed and this pressed for time in our lives that we have no more time for each other?  For some of our favorite people beyond our immediate family.  And if you are communicating very deep and personal information between family members on Facebook, like happy anniversary wishes, or airing your dirty laundry...having actual fights on line for everyone to see....well, that's just so dysfunctional I don't even have to comment.  I'm all for a tender reminder but make sure that's not your only form of communication.  We have developed into a society of people that only communicate electronically, and then in the same breath diss that form of communication as not really mattering....

I beg your pardon.  You can't have it both ways.  Either electronic communication is important enough to be used as the replacement for a business letter, or phone call, or it's just a social network for bored/busy people to somehow feel still connected to humanity.  I believe IT IS both, but by believing that I have to feel that Facebook and other social networks are more important than some give them credit for.  That you can't just chalk it up to being on Facebook and not counting or mattering.  An electronic relationship, now a days, is as real as a physical one.  In fact a lot of physical ones start out electronic.  Think about that the next time you try to say that "it doesn't matter because it's a Facebook friend."

And if you have a very active on line life, you understand how important electronic communication, or lack there of is.  As much as I have realized and jumped on this electronic highway two decades ago, it still is no match for personal, physical, face to face communication.  And if I didn't think I'd lose track completely of my decomposing groups of friends both past and present, I'd give it all up tomorrow.  So if you are close enough in physical proximity to arrange a face to face, perhaps you should.  You just never know when my face might not be on this plane of existence anymore.  Don't take for granted that you will always have time, because if there is one thing my life has taught me with people, is that you never get enough time with the ones you really love.