Sunday, September 2, 2012

Learning To Love Yourself

People think they do this all the time.  They think they are loving themselves but few really understand that to truly love yourself you need to be selfish.  That's right, selfish.  I'm not saying that you shouldn't be there when a loved one needs you or listen to a dear friend when they have a problem, but you need to remember that you are the most important person in any equation.  In any relationship, your needs must be filled first in order to truly give to another person.

Here is an example that might make it clear.  You know how great a mother's, (father's) love is, right?  You already know that a parent will give up their own life to save their children.  However, the parent must be alive to do this.  This is why on airplanes they instruct that you secure the oxygen mask on your own mouth before attempting to save your child.  If you don't guess what both die.  Selfish first, wins that battle.  And that is the lesson in all of life.

You must think of your own needs and how to fulfill them first before you can be truly happy in life.  If you don't you are a constant giver, and caretaker, and that is exhausting.  And while you think you are doing the right thing, you are not, because your loved ones needs become a chore, instead of the joy it is suppose to be.

That's right joy.  When someone you care about, or love or whatever you want to call it, needs you, that's an honor.  They want to spend part of their lives with you.  Be it an hour or a lifetime.  Remember that.  No one has to say yes to your invitations or even your basic needs, unless they want to.  We all have freewill.  And we use it....every day of our lives, even if we don't want to admit it, we do.  We spend time with the people we want to, we live the life we choose, or we wouldn't live it.

So if you are unhappy it is your own fault.  Your own choice.  You choose to be unhappy.  I believe many depressed people suffer from this simple fact, that they are afraid or paralyzed or trapped into any other choice, or feel they are.  Of course some depression is chemical, but most is not.  Most is an inability to be selfish, and live the lives we dream of.  I use to think that being selfish was wrong, now I know all acts are selfish ones, we just don't choose to look at them that way because of society.  Society is wrong most of the time.  And what society deems as appropriate or good is often the opposite when really looked at under an intelligent and experienced eye.  I for one have always been skeptical of the sheep that follow along blindly to any leader, I've always been one to question from the fringes.  And I am much happier marching to my own drummer and singing my own tune.....

.....then again, I'm selfish.