Sunday, March 3, 2013

Tightrope - Janelle Monae

This song is completely about my blog, and how I must tip on the tightrope of my duel lives.  There are some drug references in there too, but having given that up I find that when I hear it now I focus more on the relationship side of it.  Its also about the rumors and innuendo that people jump to when they hear a part of my story, or my life, or what is going on.  And it makes me wonder, even when they get it from my blog, exactly what they are thinking.  Now mind you, I don't really care what anyone thinks about me or how I live my life, but I do care that no one gets hurt.  While my heart is completely enveloped with love and I am giving and receiving in equal measures, as long as there is joy, the details shouldn't matter....

But they do, don't they?

The details, those pesky little things, just keep getting in the way.  It would be a wonderful world if we could all just love whoever we want whenever we want without any fear of losing those we love.  Without jealousy, or such fear that we hold on much too tightly.  I tip on the tightrope, learning how to curb those feelings when they sneak past my radar.  The longer I'm in love with a man the less this happens, unless given a real reason, of course.  But even then once the initial burst of anger and betrayal is over, I feel a great need for comfort and conversation.  Talking it out.  There is a man in my life, who helps me with this more effectively than any other man ever has.  And I see him more often than he probably should, but that makes it even more wonderful in my heart.  That he can't stay away, anymore than I can.  The attraction has been, frankly, magnetic, for the last few months, and I wish our situations were less complicated.  I know he has issues too, and I know I help him with them.  I guess this is what it feels like when you finally find someone that loves you for who you are, and not who they think you are.  Or who they want to change you into, and believe they can.  That never works, you know?

I believe this song also sings to my strength, and while I've always believed I was stronger than most, I have my moments of weakness, of slipping up, and backsliding, as we all do.  But tipping on that tightrope is how we make sure we don't fall.  Falling is not an option this time, in either my newest love or my new business venture.  I want my new life, and I'm practicing envisioning it, because as we all know...thoughts become words and words become reality.  I want this success, I want this love, I want to be happy, I want to not be afraid of being happy.  And if that means I must tip on that tightrope, whether I'm high or low, elevated or getting funky on the scene, I will always keep my balance.