Sunday, July 28, 2013

Moving On

Its a strange feeling to me to be involved with a man that cares so much about what I'm feeling.  How I'm handling my issues, and not be completely involved in only his own drama, or issues.  I'm not saying that he is not involved in his own stuff, just that he has enough love and compassion and real caring for me, to be able to put that aside when I need him to, and help me with mine.  And since he loves me, my emotions effect his, dramatically.   This is something that I'm used to doing for everyone else, putting my emotions aside, but I'm not used to someone doing for me.  I find it much easier to be there for him because of this one, easy and gentle reaction to my intense explosions.  And because he has found the trigger to unlocking my trust and deep devotion, my explosions are becoming less frequent and less intense.  This is a very good thing.  And something I've been searching for in a man for many, many years.  I feel connected to him no matter where we are.  Together or apart, it still feels very much as if we are moving toward the same goals of discovery.  I believe I am a better person with him in my life.  More centered, more fair, less willing to jump in anger, or allow my 'knee jerk' opinions, as he calls them, invaded my rational thoughts.  I can't say I've ever been this comfortable with a man before, this trusting.  And while I've been close in the past, I've never gotten past a mark of trust with men to let them in this deeply.  Until now.  The mutual trust, open honest love and respect that I feel for him and that I know he feels for me is unrivaled in my past.  And while I must admit that I've had some recent close contenders in the last few years, they didn't quite love me enough to find the strength to stay with me...learn together, and grow with me like this man is doing.  I feel truly blessed and as if nothing can stop me.  I feel like the confidence I was born with, before all the destruction of my childhood could dampen it, has been reignited.  Like a campfire that you know is out, but the breeze sparks a dying ember back to life.  I feel alive again.  Ready and able to live my life with no regrets.  Finally. I can breathe.