Sunday, July 27, 2014

Day Three And My Head Is Still Pounding

The human body is a miracle and a wonder.  It gives you little signs when something is wrong with it, or with you.  Goose pimples when you are cold, or scared.  A nagging feeling in your gut when you are hungry, or know you or someone is doing something wrong.  That alertness of the hair on the back of your neck when you are being watched.  Not to mention the thousands of symptoms we get before a major illness strikes, like a heart attack or a brain tumor or cancer.

I think there are two kinds of people in this world where their bodies are concerned.  Ones that take those warnings seriously and those that shrug them off and continue on their merry way.  I've lost some great people to death because they ignored a symptom too long, or knew something was going to happen but got in the car anyway.

Sometimes we make a decision and it's the wrong one and our bodies rebel, with depression, or anxiety or it can even shatter and the fragile mind and become something unrecognizable to not only the owner but their loved ones.

I tend to notice the symptoms my body gives me and continue on my merry way.  I've made some really bad choices ignoring my own internal 'Red Flag' system.  I'm also one of those people that will tell you to run to the doctor, but I have to be forced to go.  And it's not because I don't respect doctors or think they can help me.  It is because I can't afford it, and I hate hospitals.  I'm afraid I will go in and never come out.

Three days ago I started to get a headache.  Little stress headache over my left eye.  Wouldn't be the first time, nor the last that I got one of these.  Then two days ago Mr. Practical and I had a huge fight, and we are not the same even after apologizing.  And my headache got a lot worse.  Felt better after using some natural oils, then not.  Felt a little better after taking some over the counter headache pills, then not.  Felt better while I was drinking last night at Second Daughter's birthday party, (Out until 3am, two different Chicago bars, one was full of free arcade games and pinball- the other a lot of singing!  A lot!) And this morning not.  Now I know you are thinking, hangover.  But I only had four drinks in 8 hours.  Thats not a lot for me, although I will admit I'm out of practice and this doesn't feel like only a hangover.

Oh and lets don't ignore the fact that for a split second last night, I lost my balance and fell to the ground, leaving my left leg looking like a skateboard road rash. Same side as the headache's original starting point, it's all across my forehead to both temples now.   Knee all scratched up and my lower leg has a heck of a bruise with abrasions on it as well.  NICE.  First Daughter wants to go to IHop and while my stomach agrees, the rest of my body is laughing at me.  Part of me wants to run to the doctor, and the other part thinks it has more to do with stress.   Part of me can hear my loved ones over my casket saying, "Why didn't she go to the doctor sooner?"  The other part can see that if I just get rid of the things in my life that are stressful, I'll be ok again.  Red Flag.  I know I should have left Mr. Charisma much sooner than I did...than we did.  I have felt both sorry for us and hopeful for us, and even happy for our individual journeys for me and Mr. Hopeful.  And now I'm faced with the possibility of having to discuss with Mr. Practical a final parting of the ways or burning of bridges, and it makes my headache worse to think about it.  And my gut?  Well it's calm, resolved, as is my mind.  My heart is the slow one to get with the program.  But it usually is.  My heart apparently needs a brick building to fall on it.  Or a final straw.

I had more to say, but my memory lately has been like someone who is thirty years older.  I blame my meds.  There is that Red Flag again.  But I'm continuing on my not so merry way.