By now my weekly followers, know that there are two main men in my life that keep my attention, both are frankly contagious to me, and I love my relationship with them. And while some of my friends, even them, just don't understand why I could be happy with part-time relationships, it's not about quantity it's about quality.
Both of them have begged, pleaded, and downright threatened to not be a part of my life if I don't continue to live my life and keep my eyes open for interested parties. Which I do. Ask my ex-husbands, I have no issue with this. In fact, I'm betting my ex-husbands would tell Mr. Hopeful and Mr. Practical to 'shut the fuck up and be glad she's not looking'...LOL.
So, over the last couple of months there has been a couple of new contenders, Mr. Crisis (as in mid-life) and Mr. Confident. Both too young for me. Stop it. I can hear you shaking your heads because of my age thingy, but really they are. And I can prove it.
Since I care for deeply and tend to follow the advice of men I care for, and love, I have let Mr. Crisis and Mr. Confident their time at bat. And let us just say that even though they are young, full of stamina and eager to please (so eager....you gotta love that). I would like to be able to say what they lack in expertise and technique they make up for in stamina, but sadly that is not true. At least not for me. That might have a lot to do with a GLARING fact that I just had proven to me....that should have been clear all along.
I'm a better lover when I'm in love with my partner. For example: I found 15 minutes of kissing Mr. Hopeful much more satisfying then an hour of pounding by Mr. Confident. That's because my heart wasn't invested in one and was in the other. But at least I gave him a tumble and proved it to myself.
This does not mean my heart is lost or trapped or caged up. Quite the contrary. It just means the next contender has some really big shoes to fill. I've known real love and real passion. Passion that can't be stopped with distance, time, commitments. Love that is magnetic and connections that are palpable when in the same room and strong enough to be felt across the miles as well. Comfortable silences have returned, as hearts speak for tongues. Why would I ever settle for less? I'd rather have part-time, honest, and real feelings expressed and to express, than settle for just sex. Even if its on a regular basis.
Now does that mean that I won't see them again if they offer? I guess that depends on the situation and the timing and the availability of Mr. Hopeful and Mr. Practical. I'm in a phase of my life where I know what I want, I know I've found what I want, but I can't have what I want. So I keep looking. I know you're out there, and I know you can feel me, and I know you try to resist, I do too. Sometimes its better to just give in and live life. Experience the joys laid before you, because life is short and opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.
My dreams are intact, so is my heart, and I'll never give them up.