Sunday, December 30, 2012

"And I Don't Want The World To See Me"----Iris

And we are on the seventh song in the list.  Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.  It was actually tough to pick one lyric from that song that fits this blog....every lyric in that song fits how I'm feeling:

"I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow".....
That's so true.  I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, and he explodes into my head, unannounced, but welcome.  My mind slowly comes out of its slumber and can feel him in the distance, thinking of me, and our connection makes me smile.  I can be myself when I'm with him, and that is more valuable to me than any other relationships.  I imagine that he might be awake too, thinking of us, and that slender thread that connects us helps me find him in my dreams.

"But sooner or later it's over, I just don't wanna miss you tonight"....
It's not that I'm not in the moment when I'm with him, I am.  But when it's over, after the basking, or as I like to call it the 'bangover'....I do miss him when he isn't here.  I do miss his presence.  I miss everything about him.  His touch, his smile, his smell, his taste.  I can look around my bedroom and see evidence of him being here.  Things of his, he left, or borrowed me, or bought me.  I love them because they remind me that he is real, and not imaginary.  But they also remind me that he is not mine.

"All I can taste is this moment.".....
When we are together the world disappears.  I had forgotten what that felt like until he reminded me what real passion is.  To be desired this much is exactly what I feel true love is all about.  We may not ever be able to be together in the way we both imagine it, but that doesn't lessen the moments that we are.  And I treasure them beyond all others.  For they are few.

"All I can breathe is your life":....
Sometimes, and this is only the times like now, when I'm alone and can reflect...but sometimes, I feel like a supporting character in his life.  I guess this is common for a mistress, it feels logical.  It's not that I'm living for him, I just find myself willing to rearrange my life for time with him.  I figure that's a two way street, and no matter how often, or seldom I see him, I sometimes forget that he is trying to see me as much as he can.

"When everything feels like the movies.....
And I'm such a hopeless romantic about the movies....about a good love story.  And the situation I  am in now, would make a great screenplay, caught between Mr. Hopeful and Mr. Charisma.  I'm sure it's already been done, and I'm not sure I could do it better, but I think I might have to try to write this out.  Maybe its a story that needs to be on the screen.

but the chorus...."And I don't want the world to see me, cuz I don't think that they'd understand.  When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."....
That's the kicker ain't it?  I don't want the world to see me, because I KNOW they won't understand how I can love them both this much, and share them with their chosen lives.  How I can walk proudly knowing I am loved and missed by them as much as I miss them....even if by societies rules they are not mine to love.  You can't help who you love.  How I would walk away rather than have them hurt or their lives disrupted, in any way.  But I don't believe that marriage lasts, my own experience, forgive me or stop reading if you are offended, but personal experience is all we can ever go on.  And I believe that broken love can be repaired, that hurts can be fixed if the love and passion still remain. If the respect and friendship is still there.  But if your down to just sex, and no desire then, it's over.  And if you need me, then it's probably just a waiting game or a pride issue until you decide that you have had it and leave.  I just want you to know who I am.  I'm the one that will still be here, backing you up on your decisions, standing by your side as you are mocked or ridiculed for your passions.  I'm the one that believes in us even more than you do.  I'm the one that helps you "bleed just to know you're alive."  I'm the one that is willing to gamble that you'll never be mine, but still sees you when you want me.  I'm the one worth risking everything you don't want to lose.

Cheers.