Sunday, December 8, 2013

My Blanket of Snow, My Hot Chocolate of Contemplation

She of Little Combat Boots was in town again this weekend for her super secret army weekend, and came over to spend the evening with me and Mr. Charisma and my daughter.  What a great night!  Sitting eating junk-food and drinking coffee, visiting and watching Dr. Who.  I was also having a pirate shot of honey infused whiskey.  BACKGROUND INFO:  I purchased my 8 oz pirate shot glass in Oregon on a shopping trip with Mr. Practical back in 2010....I've never drunk out of it yet, but somehow with all the stress of last week and sad realization of a truth that I would rather not face,  I felt I not only deserved to drown my sorrows in hard liquor, but I needed to.  And that rarely happens.

Surrounded by my best guy and my best girlfriend, my heart opened up and I was able to unload and vent a lot of feelings of hurt and loss and disappointment.  Disappointment in myself for letting myself down and gaining some determination to do better in my business and not let the competition get to me.  Not let myself get drawn down into the failure spiral of sales after a bad month, or two...  I was able to let out a lot of emotion that has piggybacked onto this realization, as it seems Fate never is kind to me when teaching me a lesson or closing doors.  But I feel like several chapters or doors were shut last week, and or closing.  Slowly but inevitably closing, whether I want them too or not.  Whether I'm ready or not.

Winter is my quite time, my blanket of snow, my hot chocolate of contemplation.  I like to hibernate, I like to be at peace with the world, and I only feel it in the winter.  I make a lot of beginnings and endings in the winter, almost as if I'm preparing for the long hibernation alone, or with one special person.

Its also the time to see loved ones you never get the chance to catch or make time to see.  And when the relationships are solid, its like no time has past between you.  And you can pick up and catch up rather quickly.

This time of year also makes me very reflective, causing me to think on friends I miss or loved ones I know I will never see again.  I miss catching up with them, checking in, if you will.  Just to be sure they are happy and doing well.  It's really all I've ever wanted for all my friends, is happiness.   I hope they know that.